August 12, 2008 - Senior Ads - Road Rant - Another Way to Make a Buck - Ah Jeez
In a recent interview, when asked if he would ever retire, actor William Shatner said:
Yes, as I slowly draw the last breath - not the shallow ones, when you're panting and unconscious, but the deep one, where you say, "my God - I'm dying" - that's when I will retire.
Before I switch to grouchy-old-man mode - I would like to start this entry with some ads culled from the personal column of several Florida newspapers by my not-yet-retired buddy Bill McKay - (Who says seniors don't have a sense of humour?)
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
OK - I'm sorry to have to bore you with the same old road rant, but damn it, something has to be done and although I have always believed governments should stay the hell out of our lives - I'm about to do an Obama flip-flop and I will be sending out a pile of emails to all political parties and letters to the editors demanding that the governing party of my home province scrap their focus groups and public opinion polls - and pass a law making it illegal for people to use their cell phones while driving.
I'm beginning to believe I have a bull's-eye on my back - a number of months ago I blogged about nearly being T-boned while driving through an intersection in Tampa - the boner - (I being the bonee) was using his cell phone at the time.
Then, yesterday, driving along a straight, two-lane local road, I was a half inch away from being sideswiped by a car veering over into my lane - the driver, a young lady, was not only talking on her cell phone, but also had a furless. big-eared, rat-like dog on her lap - I can give you this complete description because this broad with the brain boost of a bowling ball allowed her car to swerve close enough for me to pat the ugly thing.
Unite people of the world - flood your political reps with Emails demanding no cell phone use in moving vehicles - the life you save my be your own.
Coincidence, I think not - After writing the above, I took a break to get a double-double and a Boston cream at Tim's and when I got back I had mail - one was from retired maritime buddy Elma Hickman who sent me the following story.
> "One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call - 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile , wave, wish them well, and move on.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home , or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... 'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.' Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! What a great philosophy!"
Thanks Elma, I'll try not be a garbage truck -but damn it, that B---- young lady was using her cell phone while driving - and then there's that rat thing on her lap - then ………
This next item comes from retired buddy Jim Hill who comments as follows:
"If this happened in Canada the cops would all be suspended with full pay for a year then fired, there'd be an inquiry that would last two years with no outcome. The terrorist would get a new motorcycle and $500,000 (minimum) compensation, an apology from the prime minister, a government job, and his family would be brought over from Pakistan, and housed on the north shore.
This incident took place in Spain; apparently the Spanish police agreed to placate a "bank hostage" situation by allowing the radical to "escape" uninhibited. He was allowed to walk out of the bank in the company of 2 hostages. The police provided him with a motorcycle and free access to the motorcycle.
Then, leaving the hostages behind, he was permitted to ride away down a clear roadway to make his "escape." This whole incident, shown on CBS television, complete with news reporting in English, can be seen on this 55-second video clip. The concluding few seconds of this video shows the result of the Spanish planning in this escape. In my view, an appropriate conclusion to any situation that involves a terrorist. Sorry about that guys, I guess I am now also a converted radical!"
I second the motion.
Another video - this one submitted by retired buddy Bernice Dini - in the south of France a rider by the name of Lorenzo is in communion with his horses. He offers an unique equestrian show with amazing trick riding !
In the last entry I was promoting the idea of you researching the idea of building a website and sell your knowledge - Ok, if that doesn't row your boat, how about building a creative retirement job with a website that puts a few bucks in your bank account by affiliating yourself with various commercial companies .
I've connected with several companies - most of them I use personally - but I'm a big fan of Amazon.com - great supplier - never any problems plus great deals. I've purchased my new HD camcorder through them plus my video editing software and a bunch of other stuff - including a library of books - great bargains on used newly released hard covers - 4.00 bucks - 99cents for the book - 3 dollars shipping - better than what you can get a flea markets and there's no gas money involved.
Anyway, back to business - once I check on the company's reliability, I apply for affiliation and when they give the OK to my site(s) I just copy and paste the material and when someone clicks and buys - I get a commission.
Example: Amazon recently released a bunch of widgets for affiliates and I'm about to place them on my sites. Here's one dealing with a recent family purchase from Amazon - GPS deals.
Now if you click on one of the images and buy - I get paid - by the way, if you are in the market - , check out the Amazon price for the Tom Tom One 3rd edition - if you can find one at a lower price backed by the same guarantees that Amazon has - Email me.
Here's another approach you, as an affiliate marketer can use with Amazon - show folks your personal picks - even better if you have purchased them yourself from Amazon.
So here's another way you can build a creative retirement job via the internet and make some extra cash plus, it's intriguing, fun work that keeps your mind working on all cylinders - age doesn't enter into it - learning new stuff is a big moral booster for us GOTY's (getting older, thinking younger)
In every family, one thing is certain - if the timing is right, there's no better baby-sitter than Grandpa.
This is my retired buddy Craig Olson, a valued neighbour in our Florida retirement community - seen here baby sitting grandson Adam - special moments you live for.
Craig and his wife Kathy, live in Minnesota and thanks to them besides ending comments with the Canadian "ey" the Olson now have me expressing anxiety with "Ah Jeez" -and with that in mind, Kathy sent me the following.
YOU ARE FROM MINNESOTA IF.…
You know how to polka, but never tried it sober.
You know what knee-high by the Fourth of July means.
You know it is traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception.
You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.
You can recognize someone from Iowa by their driving.
You buy Christmas presents at Fleet Farm.
You spent more on beer than you did on food at your wedding.
You hear someone use the word 'oof-dah' and you do not immediately
break into uncontrollable laughter.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
You or someone you know was a 'Dairy Princess' at a county fair
You let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post in the middle of winter.
You think Lutheran and Catholic are THE major religions.
Football, Deer Hunting & Opening Fishing schedules are checked before wedding dates are set.
Saturday you go the local bowling ally.
There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning.
You have driven your car on a lake.
You can make sense out of the word 'upnort' and 'batree. '
You always believed that vacation meant 'going up North.'
At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hokey poky and the chicken dance.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar
The local gas station sells live bait.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
Your mom asks, 'Were you born in a barn?' and you know exactly what she means.
You think that the start of deer season is a national holiday.
Pop is not only what you call your dad, but is the ONLY name for soda.
You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Minnesota friends.
yeseree--yer from Minnesota
Until the next time - thanks for dropping by and I strongly urge you to start researching your creative retirement job as noted above - start here - this just might turn your crank - (Go to URL)
To reference this entry please copy the url in this link:
(Permalink)
August 26, 2008 - New Tricks - Older Than Dirt - Video Revenue - Diet and Age
Have you ever had a song pop into your head for no reason? You start humming or whistling even in the most public of places - there's no escaping - it's like a juke box constantly playing the same record - happened to me yesterday while cruising the supermarket - started in the dairy section - no reason - I started mumbling - "It's all right - It's OK. doesn't matter if your old and Grey" - I switched from singing to humming when a teenage grocery clerk gave me that - "Oh hell, another senile wacko" look.
This ditty is the theme song for what has become one of my top three television shows - Dirty Tricks - it's a BBC drama about a group of retired detectives who are brought back to form a cold case squad - starring four actors with a combined age of 241 - and ain't that a treat in this age of the young and beautiful - turns out it's the number one rated programme in the UK - as Stephen Armstrong writes in the Guardian -
New Tricks' male characters are jolly dinosaurs, coppers of the old school who get things done with guile and guts, rather than la-di-da, newfangled investigation techniques. Then they go down the pub.
Anyway, the show's theme song , sung by one of the stars of the show, 60 year old Dennis Waterman, could be the theme song for all us GOTY's (Getting Older, Thinking Younger) - Here's a short version -
There's another chorus -
There's a place that I can find A drink or two to ease my mind Golden days It's alright, take your time, Ev'rybody thinks that you're past your prime. It's alright, it's OK. Still got plenty of days.
which brings me to a quote I uncovered while surfing the net - no matter what you age -
Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do. Oliver Wendell Holmes
Throughout this entry I have copied sections of an Email I received from retired buddy Bill Ozard - a series of notes from someone who labels him or herself as - "Older Than Dirt" - Part One:
'Hey Dad,' one of my kids asked the other day, 'What was your favourite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. 'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck - (Simpson's and Eaton's in Canada). Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore - (Likewise Simpson's and Eaton's).
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of coloured plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a 'machine.'
I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line - We gave the operator the number.......no dial
Pizzas were not delivered to our home...But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favourite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favourite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
I have discovered another source of retirement income - granted, it's not a gusher - more a trickle, but you know - a buck here and a buck there soon adds up - however, that's icing on the cake - this creative retirement job is just plain fun.
To give you an example - at the moment, I'm editing some HD video of an electric power wind farm I shot recently - I'm producing 15 second bits that include wide shots of a number of towers plus close-ups of the propellers - another of several wind towers while a farmer ploughs his field underneath the huge propellers.
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat o n a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.
Blackjack chewing gum
Wax Coke-shaped bottles with coloured sugar water
Candy cigarettes
Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
Thanks to retired buddy Tom Adams for sending in this video suggestion - Why I Didn't Make it to the Olympics:
Thanks to retired buddy Linda Ardoino for the following:
CALCULATE YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH - DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
This is pretty neat, and it takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out - it's fun!!
First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
go out to eat (more than once, but less than 10).
Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold).
Add 5…
Multiply it by 50…
If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...If you haven't yet had your birthday, add 1757.
Now subtract the four-digit year that you were born.
You should now have a three digit number:
The first digit of this was your original number (i. e., how many times a week you want to go out to restaurants).
he next two numbers are: YOUR AGE! ------ (Oh YES, it is!)
This is the only year (2008) this will work so pass it on.
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
Now let's start researching for that creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)
To reference this entry please copy the url in this link:
(Permalink)
