June 5, 2008 - Korman and Conway - doomsday or not - interesting pics - Thanks for the Emails
Harvey Korman passed away last week - a great talent known for his outlandish but hysterically funny characterizations - he was 81.
Mr. Korman's career peaked as a member of the Carol Burnett TV show - (they don't make 'em like they used to) and along with Tim Conway created a series of comedy classics.
Korman and Conway toured together over the past several years and, according to Korman's daughter, Katherine, - they had a private jet and it was one huge party as the two old-timers kept working their comedy magic with no thoughts of retiring>
I saw them a couple of years ago at the Ruth Eckerd Hall in Clearwater Florida and no matter how often you saw the routine, they made it funnier every time out.
Here's one of my favourites - Korman and Conway and "the dentist" skit - Conway is great as the dentist but much of the fun is Korman trying to keep a straight face - enjoy.
I'm not trying to make this entry a downer but I couldn't help but think of what's ahead for my kids and grandkids especially after reading the cover story in a recent issue of MacLean's magazine that headlined - Life at $200 a barrel - you won't be able to eat, travel or live as you do now - say goodbye to the age of plenty.
Today we know that because of oil going at $100 plus a barrel everything is going up in price and this is just the beginning - hang on to your wallets - we ain't seen nothing yet according to James Howard Kunstler the authour of the book - The Long Emergency - "expensive oil will thunder through the economic system cutting a wide swath of destruction"Kunstler predicts that during this decade half of the world's recoverable petroleum will have been extracted - not everyone agrees with him but some are echoing his ideas.
There's one guy - Matt Savinar - he's a California lawyer who in the past has been labeled a doomsday nut case - but, if you look at his evidence - he may not be such a whack job - as he himself noted in a recent interview - "I bet that once we get within a few years of oil production peaking, you'll see the U.S. invade the last large deposits - oh wait, that already has happened.
So,
as the song goes - "We've got trouble my friends - trouble in River City" - economic trouble brought about by many factors the biggest of which is high gas prices.
The government says I can't use the "R" word so - this economic downturn is causing many retired folks some concern and those who are about to join our ranks have some big-time planning to complete if they hope to enjoy the so called "Golden Years".
One answer is building an extra revenue source via the internet - Ecommerce is the future and you can be part of this growing action - IF - you take the time to do your research.
Many of you I know will react the same way I did years ago - "no way Jose, I know zip about Ecommerce let alone the computer and all the techie stuff."
It ain't that tough - IF - you take the time to do your research.
My first step into vault of Ecommerce was eBay followed by building my own websites - the revenue comes from selling products on eBay and through affiliate links and Goggle ads on the websites.
Many thanks to retired buddy Joanne Raycraft for sending in these remarkable pics - Northern Lights over Yellowknife (the capital of Canada's Northwest Territories) and living in teepees at 37 below 0 !!
Cool!
My thanks to retired buddy Elma Hickman who sent in the following - an actual advertisement in an Irish newspaper
Automobile for Sale - 1985 Blue Volkswagen Only 50 miles. Only first gear and reverse ever used. Never driven hard - Original tyres - Original brakes - Original fuel and oil - Only 1 driver Owner wishing to sell due to employment lay-off - Photo attached
Those of you who received dozens of forwarded emails every day will appreciate the following two contributions - the first was submitted (yes, via email) from retired budy Jim hill.
And thanks to retired buddy Tom Adams for sending us the following Email which I am now forwarding to all of you as instructed as I do not want to duck bird-poop or have to carry a hairy hump on my back.
Thank You, One and All !!!
I just want to thank all of you for your educational E-mails over the past year.
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
Can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. Can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the #1 past-time while driving alone is picking your nose. Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft
and AOL are sending me for participating in their special E-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to ALL YOUR EMAILS, you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if IFORWARD an E-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the
seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies !!!
If you don't send this E-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician ...
Have a wonderful day ...Oh, by the way ...
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their E-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Now let's get working on your creative retirement job - start your research here - (Go to URL)
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June 30, 2008 - HD on the web - Americans and Canadians - Famous Last Words
Another month has flashed by - time seems to be passing at warp speed when you're working on a new creative retirement job.
As mentioned in earlier dispatches, shooting and editing in HD is my latest challenge and for me it's been a huge learning curve. However, I've been able to complete a couple of family history documentaries but nothing worthy for public exposure.
That became abundantly clear when I finally found a web hosting site that can handle HD - (Many site claim to handle HD but it's not the real thing, so be careful and do your homework)
Vimeo is a social website for HD producers, like YouTube and offers HD in the 720p format, exactly the same resolution (1280×720) used by major broadcast networks and many cable & satellite providers.
And, this HD community are eager to help newbies like my self. Eugenia Loli-Queru offered up a tutorial on how to upload but it didn't match my new editing software, so I sent her an Email asking for assistance and she answered back within the hour.
A quick break for some nonsense - thanks to retired buddy Linda Ardoino for this quickie: The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University (wink-wink-nudge-nudge)
Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person over 40 years of age cannot do this!
1. This is this cat. 2. This is is cat. 3. This is how cat. 4. This is to cat. 5. This is keep cat. 6. This is an cat. 7. This is old cat. 8. This is fart cat. 9. This is busy cat. 10. This is for cat. 11. This is forty cat. 12. This is seconds cat.
Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down - bet you can't resist passing it on.
Tomorrow, here in the Dominion, is our Canada Day Holiday and in this mornings National Post Dave Burwick, an American, who lived in Toronto for a couple years when serving as president of Pepsi-QTG Canada, offered a piece headlined what Americans can learn from Canadians.
Before offering up a top ten list of his favourite bits of Canadiana he noted: "........as I watched my 8-year-old, skating with his Leaside Flames teammates, I had an epiphany: Hockey is not just the national pastime and passion, it's the embodiment of Canadian values. It's about work ethic, team play, physical conditioning and mental toughness.
It's also about knowing when to leave all of that on the ice and move on.
Which leads me to the most important thing Americans can learn from Canadians: How to know when enough is enough, when it's time to just be content with your life.
Family and personal passions are more important to Canadians than work. People seem to know when the balance of life is just right. Their moral compass seems to always point to "true north."
Burwick then went add:
Here is my top-10 list of irreplaceable Canadiana that I'll have to find a way to smuggle past customs:
Tim's: What more can I say? It's 110% Canadian (even if it's owned by Americans now). Real coffee for real people, started by a real hockey player.
The sheer beauty and diverse geography of the country. From St. John's to Vancouver, with a long stopover in Banff.
Sweeter ketchup - and sweeter Diet Pepsi.
Terminal one at Pearson International Airport in Toronto: Nothing's more civilized.
The National Anthem: How can you beat the lyrics, "The true north
strong and free"?
Hockey Night in Canada: One of the last communal TV events left anywhere.
Eating a peameal sandwich every Saturday at 7 a.m. during my son's hockey practice. That ritual became Pavlovian.
Raising a family right in the middle of the city, and knowing they're safe.
Surviving a minus-30-degree day in downtown Winnipeg, and how it made me feel more alive.
CBC's coverage of international news. You just can't get that in the U.S.
On that last one I was thinking about editing in my old network in place of the CBC - but thought better of it - Dave is obviously a liberal democrat.
Another American/Canadian item - T. Boone Pickens, the American billionaire recently donated 25 million to support medical research at the University of Calgary and when talking to reporters noted the following - the increase in oil production by the Saudis is no big whoops - totally meaningless - oil will be over $150.00 a barrel well before the end of the year and over $200 a barrel by the end of next year.
While completing research on an entirely different subject the other day, a stumbled upon a site offering famous last words utter by famous people just before they walked into the bright light - wouldn't it be great, if given the time, to come up with something memorable and lasting such as:
Am I dying or is this my birthday? - Lady Nancy Astor, when she awoke momentarily to see her family around her bed
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis. - Humphrey Bogart,
Is everybody happy? I want everybody to be happy. I know I'm happy - Ethel Barrymore
Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him - John Barrymore
That was a great game of golf, fellers - Bing Crosby
I just wish I had time for one more bowl of chili.- Kit Carson
I've had a heck of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it. - Errol Flynn
Nobody shot me. - Frank "Tight Lips" Gusenberg, American mobster murdered as part of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre.
A conversation between Stan Laurel and his nurse: Stand -
I wish I was skiing." Nurse: "Oh, Mr. Laurel, do you ski?" Stan: "No, but I'd rather be skiing than doing what I'm doing."
This isn't Hamlet, you know. It's not meant to go into the bloody ear. - Laurence Olivier to his nurse, in an attempt
to moisten his lips, mis-aimed. - (In Hamlet - the title character's father is killed when poison is dripped into his ear while asleep.
It is very beautiful over there. - Thomas Edison
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . ... - General John Sedgwick, Union Commander
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do. - Oscar Wilde
Thanks to retired buddy Tom Adams for today's kicker:
WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a upliftin experience. - Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad; 16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air.
Okay den, listen up; I'm only gonna say dis vonce:
In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two
tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming
or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodder with doze liddle masks on da
rubber tubes--you're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat - Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes.
Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.
In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it.
Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin against us, which some people say
'trespass against us,' which isn't right, but what can you do ?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden , not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your
head.
We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffeepot up front.
Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you..
Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am not kiddin!
Right now I'll say Grace: Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts
to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, May we land in Dulut or pretty close.
Now let's get working on our creative retirement job - here's a starting point - (Go to URL)
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