Positive, Productive, Profitable Retirement News

This was the reply Email:

Hi Stan:

Thanks for sending me the "two moons in August" information - interesting stuff - I marked the 27th of August on my things-to-do calendar and planned to stay up past midnight to view Mars - "as bright and big as the moon" only to find out later - it's all bull chips.

The only chance you have of seeing two moons side by side in August, or any other time, is for Frank and Ernie to bend over to pick up their golf balls and drop their pants at the same time.

For the full story go to my favourite true or false website - Snopes.com

See you Saturday - Boomer

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Yesterday, while driving through cottage country after visiting friends, my wife asked me a question about the last time we were in the area - specifically the name of the man who took us on a boat ride around the lake.

I remembered the boat ride and I could put a face to the guy - but no name - another TOTS moment - Tip-of-the-tongue syndrome - but even at my advanced age - no big whoops - as Lynda Hurst, wrote in a recent column -"Memory gaps show the effect of aging on the brain just as wrinkles show on the face and, just like wrinkling, some people are affected more than others."

But Hurst also points out that there's normal memory gaps and abnormal gaps - example - " If you go to the store and forget to buy something, it's normal - if you forget you've gone to the store, it's abnormal - and if you no longer remember what a store is, you're in big trouble."

As you can imagine there are hundreds of biotech companies and other researchers trying to find a mental Viagra pill for us to pop - Hurst reports that the smart money is riding on just that possibility in seven or eight years - just in time for the early boomers to recharge the memory bank as they pass the 70 year barrier.

But hold the fort - Hurst quotes research psychiatrist Norman Doidge, author of the recently released "The Brain That Changes Itself." who says there's no need for a recourse to drugs - that the brain's anatomy is not fixed, but flexible and mental exercising can prevent decline.

'The brain requires as much exercise as the heart does," says Doidge. "You have to pay attention to create memories, use your brain vigorously to prevent decline. It requires a mental effort, not a magic pill."

Here's another quote from Hurst's column - this one from Fergus Craik psychologist and senior scientist at the Rotman Research Institute of the Baycrest Centre - If people stay physically, mentally and socially stimulated, they'll keep their cognitive abilities together."

As I understand it - each brain cell has dendrites - think of them as tree branches - passing information along from brain cell to brain cell - keeping them active with new information offers the potential to create new brain cell connections.

As promoted on the home website - building a creative retirement job via the internet is a super charged mental exercise - especially if you're starting from scratch - the research and learning part on its own is mentally invigorating - not only is it an exercise that doesn't leave you stiff and sore - if can also add to your bank account.

One other memory note - Fergus Craik, the psychologist quoted earlier also says that new, trendy idea of memorizing a poem a day to help energize short term memory, is a crock - "It doesn't work," he says, "and it's bloody boring" - I can tell you an internet/website exercise sure as hell isn't.

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While on the subject of having the TOTS - I can't remember if I posted this commercial before - but who cares - it's still fun stuff and a reminder for all of us in our retirement years - keep it POSITIVE - PRODUCTIVE - PROFITABLE

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My thanks to retired buddy Bill Ozard for sending in this kicker:

To all retirees - THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately !

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper - Groceries are heavier - and, everything is farther away.

Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.
Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.
Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank.
Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

LIVE AND ENJOY TODAY
BECAUSE TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED.

Hope you will return on Monday - in the meantime don't wait for that mental Viagra pill - do your mental exorcizes by building a creative retirement job via the internet - everything you need to learn how can be found here - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

August 6, 2007 - No Steamed Up Car Windows - Retirement Web Wanderings - Wal-Mart Aging

Last night, a retirement blast from the past - back to the fifties.

This is a holiday weekend in Canada - Civic holiday - so last night, off we went to the local Drive In Theatre for the dusk to dawn movie marathon - four major releases for 12 bucks - the wife and I in one car and the teen and twenties grandkids in another.

First flick - The Bourne Ultimatum - I thought the best of the trio regardless of what the critics said - (can they really do all that surveillance stuff in the real world?)

Second flick - I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry - some funny stuff scattered throughout.
One line: when a Japanese-Canadian minister marries two gay guys in Niagara Falls - "According to the laws of the Commonwealth of Canada and the Province of Ontario - that are more tolerant than those of the tight ass country to the south - I now pronounce you husband and husband."

Chuck and Larry ended around 1.15am and the wife and I were weakening fast - so using the fact that we had already seen flicks three - Evan Almighty - a flop - and flick four - Knocked Up - a four bell winner - we left the lot.

The only difference from last night and our drive in theatre experiences 57 years ago - we didn't have to wipe the car windshield before we left - we didn't steam up the car windows - we actually saw the movie this time.

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You have to love the internet - you learn stuff with every click

This past weekend, while researching retirement material, I stumbled across a couple of - to me anyway - interesting tid bits.

Example, while turning pages at Discover magazine - I learned that it would take 1,2000,000 mosquitoes each sucking once, to completely drain the average human of blood.

And did you know that this is National Clown week in the United States? Guess who signed this into law back in 1971 - Richard Nixon

Grab a cuppa (that's a Brit term for a cup of tea - I watch Coronation Street) and take 12 minutes to watch this video of an act performing at that the International Jugglers Association championships in Buffalo NY back in 04 - fascinating.

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Most of us know that in our retirement years, it's a tough chore to keep the weight off.

You may have heard that studies indicate that eating grapefruit can be a great help in losing weight - I love grapefruit - even have a tree in the backyard down in Florida - but I can't eat grapefruit because of the Beta blocker pill I pop every day.

That's a reminder - if you're planning to check out grapefruit for your vitamin C intake as well as a weight loss helper - check you Doctor first.

Anyway - here's a grapefruit headline you may have missed - smelling grapefruit might drop the pounds - preliminary animal studies show that the scent of grapefruit oil may help reduce appetite - research continues - the story did not say if sniffing grapefruit is also no-no for blood pressure and heart medication pill poppers.

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Thanks to retired buddy Bernice Dini for today's kicker:

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house - mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:

Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:

Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror - still got it.
Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat.
Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:

Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms".

In your 60's:

Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:

Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.

In your 80's:

Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart.
Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.

Now let's research your new creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

August 9, 2007 - For the love of cruciferous - A special Slide Show - A Positive Story

For the love of cruciferous - eat you veggies.

If you're a regular to this Blog and the host website you know I'm anxious to keep this old brain of mine as mentally active as possible - especially with the big 8-O looming up ahead.

For me, learning to use the internet to build a creative retirement job is a major mental exercise - just researching and learning how to make money on the web keeps the dendrites dancing.

Now here's a couple of other notes to update your brain computer.

First - for your memory hard drive - broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage - according to recent studies they're brain juice - personally I'm in big trouble here - broccoli and cauliflower are no-no's on my menu and cabbage rates only when raw and smothered in oceans of mayonnaise - but for the rest of you take note - as these veggies are part of the cruciferous family - they could shave one to two years off you mind's age - your brain could be 60 when the calendar says it's 62.

Also, studies suggests that nutrients like lutein and folate, found in big time amounts in stuff like spinach, could be part of the reason for the brain benefits that cruciferous and leafy green veggies bestow.

I'm not going into the proper diet thing here - that would be laughable the way I'm drawn to whoppers - but whatever menu you follow, it should included 5 servings of vegetables per day - it could add up to you being four years younger than what the calendar says.

Those of you who have faced mental challenges know that sometimes the old brain computer freezes up - nothing is coming up on the mental screen.
When that happens to me, I usually take a hike to Tim's on the corner (the Canadian Coffee and Doughnut chain) - slurp down some caffeine and hope it's enough to fire up the brain cells - wrong - forget the caffeine hit - move your butt.

Exercise they tell me - walk, dance play hop-scotch - thirty minutes of some sort of exercise is the fastest way to ramp up blood flow, so oxygen and nutrients get around to all parts of your body better, including your brain - I can hear my wife now - "Yah Right"

So endeth the lesson for today - do I hear an Amen?

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The other day, while researching an idea for another website, I came across a collection of beautiful pictures that had me thinking about our daughter Cindy.

After taking care of copyright and other matters, I put together a slide show - Cindy's Quotations - I think she would approve.

My thanks to daughter-in-law Julie for this next slide show treat - there's a number of slides I certainly can relate to - The New Millennium.

This is a PowerPoint presentation - if you do not have a PowerPoint Viewer - get your FREE copy here.

One more video: Ok, so I must be a member of the minority in this wide world who had not viewed the "battle at Kruger" video - the big summer hit on YouTube.

I didn't even hear about it until I saw an ABC News background report on the guy who shot it - a tourist who had uses his video about twice a year and has to look first for the record button - talk about being in the right place at the right time - this is video a pro would give his right pinkie for - a battle between a pride of lions, a herd of buffalo, and a crocodiles at a watering hole in South Africa's Kruger National Park

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Picture of the week:

"I'm old - I'm retired - feed me"

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My thanks to retired buddy Jim Hill for the following:

It will take just 37 seconds to read this and might just change your thinking

Two elderly men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help rain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room' s only window.

he other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their former jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and colour of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake - the ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats - young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every colour and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days, weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep.
She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside - he strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall - "Perhaps," she said, "just wanted to encourage you."

Switch on to the power of the positive mind.

Now let's research your new creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

August 13, 2007 - Cindy, Norm and Me - Web Wanderings - New Pills to Pop

A visited with an old friend over the weekend even though I've never met him and - he's dead.

Back some thirteen years ago when I was struggling to drag myself from under the black cloud of depression - at the urging of my daughter Cindy - I devoured the book, The power of positive thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale.

Over the years I have posted many of his quotes as positive affirmations such as :

"Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities!
Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy."

Over the weekend, the three of us were reunited via YouTube.

I signed up on YouTube so I could post the Positive Thinking Slide Show that was inspired by an idea Cindy had for a television news magazine programme - working title - In Search of the Positive and Beautiful.

While scanning YouTube for proper category tags, I came across an old video featuring Dr. Peale - I don't known when this was produced - he died in 1993 at the age of 95 - and it's grainy but well worth the time to view

Here are some Peale quickies quotes you should post around your home and office:

• Change your thoughts and you change your world.

• Change yourself and your work will seem different

• Don't take tomorrow to bed with you.

• Empty pockets never held anyone back.
  Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.

Then add visualization as Peale suggests in this quote:

Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding.
Hold this picture tenaciously.
Never permit it to fade.
Your mind will seek to develop the picture.
Do not build up obstacles in your imagination.

Here's one of Rev. Peale's quotations that I struggle with:

Be interesting, be enthusiastic... and don't talk too much.

Interesting to others - I can't say - enthusiastic - I think I am - don't talk too much - whoops, failed that one big time and have paid the consequences that comes with being a - chatterer.

However, I find that with old age, it's easier to get away with being a motor-mouth - why not live the image - people seem to think that because your old you have something important and wise to say - it's fun to fool them.

But getting back to Dr. Peale - He was and still is the pastor and prophet of positive thinking and it was one of his quotations that guided me into making the leap into this interest business by helping me to overcome my concerns of being too old to take on such a challenge, and my fears of starting the learning process at the kindergarten level.

Anybody can do just about anything with himself that he really wants to and makes up his mind to do. We are capable of greater things than we realize.

Add to that: No matter what your age.

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A couple of interesting weekend web wanderings - the first two as the result of stories in the Sunday morning paper.

I believe that the majority of retirees are sport fans - sport viewers - at least in my circle - so a group of Canadian entrepreneurs have created a new social network for sport fans - it's like Facebook - but with a jock strap - Love of sports - an online community with chat rooms, videos, Blogs, discussion groups everything a world wide web community needs to share a common interest.

The other newspaper story came the night after the wife and I played movie catch-up with a Blockbuster video double bill.
The item was about an report on Science Daily that claims - "the same ingredient that flavours salt-and-vinegar potato chips can be used to waterproof concrete."

Guess what I was munching down on during the movie doubleheader - yup - salt-and-vinegar potato chips.

I visited askmen.com for a quick visit but stayed for nearly an hour crawling their fact of the day archives - did you know - "We are about one centimeter taller in the morning than we are in the evening?
The moral: Never allow your height to be measured at night.

The vertebrae in your spine are separated by spongy intervertebral discs made of layers upon layers of fibrocartilage on the outside and a jelly-like substance on the inside. While you're lying down or asleep, these discs will expand slightly, amounting in total to about a centimeter or more by the time you get up.

During the day, you lose that centimeter when activity and gravity combine to compress the spine."

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Here's another Norman Vincent Peale quote from my collection :

"Our happiness depends on the habit of mind we cultivate.
So practice happy thinking every day.
Cultivate the merry heart, develop the happiness habit, and life will become a continual feast."

This is a repeat - but I've been bombarded with a slew of those annoying - "forward to at least X number of people in the next 15 minutes so that wonderful things and miracles will happen if you do and there will be consequences if you don't." Emails - for those of you who are getting emails like that - once again - click here.

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My thanks to retired Florida buddy Bernice Dini for today's kicker:

Subject: New Drugs Recently Approved By The FDA

D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA

Injectible stimulant taken prior to shopping increases potency duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E N T

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

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"If you put off everything till you're sure of it,
you'll never get anything done."
Norman Vincent Peale

With that thought in mind let's get to work on our creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

August 16, 2007 - Remember the Rainbow Road - Videos and other Stuff

As I held the car's steering wheel in a white-knuckle grip, I kept repeating between clinched teeth- "Remember the rainbow road - remember the rainbow road.

Finally, I cooled down - but I still felt that given the chance, I could have willingly dumped a pail of septic tank sewage over the head of the high-speed yahoo who just cut me off with inches to spare while making a three lane cross over to an exit ramp.

This incident happened earlier this summer when the wife and I were driving up to cottage country - the rainbow road mentioned is, as noted in my Self help Journal on the home website my "in-the-car" visualization picture that reminds me to take it slow and easy - after all - I'm retired and have the time, so why am I doing the NASCAR thing?

I mention this because it's easy in today's rush-rush world to lose it on the road - God knows there's enough idiot drivers out there to scare us to death and it can be tough to keep one's cool - but if you allow road rage to rule - you can get into some very heavy trouble.

In a recent interview, Steve Verret, who teaches traffic school in San Diego for motorists who have sinned on the road, says - "You should try to just forgive - if you keep hitting the replay button in your mind, it only hurts you - your blood pressure goes up - you get impatient and the people around you, the ones you really care about, suffer the most."

Instead of steaming and swearing, Verret suggest this mental exercise - build a scale of one to ten that measures how bad the situation is - one being something like your shoe lace coming untied and ten having a .44 Magnum pistol pointed at your temple.

Here's another - Keep a mental list of five things you really love - then the next time some road rodent cuts you off - think about what it would be like to lose all five things.

Verret maintains that the increase in of road rage incidents is due to the way we live today - "We live in a society today where people are more and more selfish every day."

I guess that's why, whenever I drive my car, I remember the rainbow road PLUS the scale of ten Plus my list of five - as a result, I sometimes can't remember where the hell I'm going - this old brain can remember just so much.

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While on the subject of driving - My thanks to not-yet-retired-but-thinking-about-it buddies Tim and Tony Grace for the following:

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

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True story - An Estonian man was caught driving a car even though he's blind - this was his second arrest.

"We arrested the same blind man driving his car again on Saturday in the town of Torvandi, near Tartu (in southern Estonia)," said Marge Kohtla, a spokeswoman for Tartu police district.

" He was drunk. There were three people in the car with him giving him instructions."
Prosecutors are asking the court to jail the man for 30 days and confiscate his car.

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Retirement News received this link via Email There's a time for everything

My thanks to retired buddy Jim Hill for the following video link - Can you figure out how they do this?

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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face.

She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles.
Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.

Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.

"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl

"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.

"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"

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This was weird - at least to me - while I was writing Monday's entry for this Blob - the one about Norman Vincent Peale - another Blogger by the name of Samrina was also blogging about Peale and, according to the time on his/her Blog - we were publishing at about the same time.

Anyway, Samrina posted a story the author of The Power of Positive Thinking often told:

A man once telephoned Peale and told the reverend he was despondent and he had nothing left to live for.
Peale invited the man over to his office.

Everything is gone, hopeless, the man told him. I'm living in deepest darkness. In fact, I've lost heart for living altogether.

Peale smiled sympathetically.
Let's take a look at your situation, he said calmly. On a sheet of paper he drew a vertical line down the middle. He suggested that they list on the left side the things the man had lost, and on the right, the things he had left. You won't need that column on the right side, said the man sadly. I have nothing left, period.

Peale asked, When did your wife leave you?
What do you mean She hasn't left me. My wife loves me!

That's great! said Peale enthusiastically. Then that will be number one in the right-hand column-Wife hasn't left.

Now, when were your children jailed
That's silly. My children aren't in jail!

Good! That's number two in the right-hand column-Children not in jail, said Peale, jotting it down.

After a few more questions in the same vein, the man finally got the point and smiled …..

It's all in the mind.

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Retirement thought: It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

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Be forewarned that I'm having a senior moment here - I can't remember if I posted this kicker before - I'm a lazy file keeper - but here goes.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE OLD PEOPLE

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem; how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley - we'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

Have a great weekend and hope you'll return on Monday.

In the meantime - get to work on your creative retirement Job - start here - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

August 20, 2007 - Getting back at the Downers - Hollywood History - Honour the Fallen

It's Monday - a tough day for some folks - so to open this entry I offer up the following story - something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.

Remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

An elderly lady was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband who had recently retired.

She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded - "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental - that's a terrible airline - their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late.

So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called 'Teste.'"

"Don't go any further - I know that place - everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city - the rooms are small - the service is surly and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

Fat chance - you and a million other people trying to see him - he'll look the size of an ant - good luck on this lousy trip of yours - you're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo.
The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful - not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes - but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.

The food and wine were wonderful - I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot - and, the hotel was great - they just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel - the finest hotel in the city.

They, too, were overbooked - they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "That's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really - what'd he say?"

He said - "Where'd you get the crappy haircut?!"

I hope that by putting today's kicker first, it will lift you up for what comes next.

I don't know about you, but it seems as I grow older, it's becoming more difficult to erase the feeling that the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

Perhaps it's because of my age - I have a tendency to compare my yesterdays with today.

Take a look at this picture - nothing special - I snapped it yesterday while the wife and I were walking along our city's lakeshore.

A young boy with his mother feeding the ducks - I was thinking about him and my youngest granddaughter who is about 6 or 7 years older that this young lad and the headline in yesterdays newspaper

Again, I started comparing my yesterdays with their today's.

When I was their age going to school - no school bus - walked the nearly two miles and the only thing I worried about was Ted Lorimer the bully who used to beat us up for no other reason than he could - that is until Dave Kerr whacked him across the knees with a hockey stick and damned near crippled him.

Then yesterdays headline - Bullet proof backpacks for students coming to Canada.

Bullies and bullet proof backpacks - my yesterdays - their today's - what's ahead for their children's tomorrows?

OK, I admit it - I got caught up in the doom boom in today's media - but I soon realized I was on a slippery slope, so I returned to an article I wrote a couple of years back to remind me to take the time to truly evaluate my life and the world around me and realize the positives still far outnumber the negatives.

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Weekend Web Wanderings - found an interesting site loaded with interesting video and other stuff - try this one - August 20th - Today in Hollywood History

Retirement Thinking: "These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

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Unfortunately, I've had to change the "war on terror" honour roll numbers on the Connect2Canada page of the home website.

Yesterday, another Canadian soldier was killed in Afghanistan.

Killed: Pte. Simon Longtin, 23, of Longueuil, Que.

Longtin, a member of the Royal 22nd Regiment - the famed Van Doos - was in a convoy on escort duty when the bomb detonated west of Kandahar city.

Longtin, was an infantry rifleman with Charlie Company, which forms part of Canada's battle group.

His death brings to 67 the number of Canadian troops killed at the hands of the enemy or in accidents in Afghanistan since 2002.

Col. Christian Juneau, deputy commander of the Canadian joint task force, said "It's almost like losing a brother - we're a big family here, brothers in arms, and it's not just a statement that we take lightly in the military.
So it really touches every one of us pretty deeply.

But we'll mourn, we'll pay respects to the family and our fallen comrade and we'll carry on with the mission."

They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

More than 18,500 troops make up ISAF, with contributions from 36 nations.

To learn more about the NATO force and mission - click here for their official web site.

Honor to the soldier, and Sailor everywhere , who bravely bears his country's cause,
Honor also to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field, and serves, as he best can, the same cause.
(Abraham Lincoln)

To learn more about this attack plus additional special reports, visit my old network - CTV News - Assignment Afghanistan.

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Now to work on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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August 23, 2007 - Honour the Fallen

I'll post my regular Blog entry tomorrow.

Sadly, for the second time this week, I've had to change the "war on terror" honour roll numbers on the Connect2Canada page of the home website.

Yesterday, two Canadian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan.

Killed:

• Master Warrant Officer Mario Mercier, with the Royal 22nd Regiment, based out of Valcartier, Que.

• Master Cpl. Christian Duchesne of the 5th Field Ambulance unit, also based in Valcartier, Que.

Their deaths came following the first major combat operation in Zhari district -- about 50 kilometres west of Kandahar city -- conducted by Bravo Company of the 3rd Battalion, part of the Quebec-based Royal 22nd Regiment popularly known as the Van Doos, who had recently arrived in Afghanistan.

Their deaths brings to 69 the number of Canadian troops killed at the hands of the enemy or in accidents in Afghanistan since 2002.

Brigadier-General Guy Laroche, commander of Canada's Joint Task Force in Afghanistan, said the troops were returning after a mission to the Zhari district where they had captured some high ground.
"It is key terrain and from that location you can observe and control what's going on in the district."

He expressed his condolences to family members of the soldiers who had been killed - "There is no way to comfort those who are grieving today except to say these soldiers are involved in something they believe in - the only thing we can do now is to carry on with the mission."

They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

More than 18,500 troops make up ISAF, with contributions from 36 nations.

To learn more about the NATO force and mission - click here for their official web site.

Honor to the soldier, and Sailor everywhere , who bravely bears his country's cause,
Honor also to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field, and serves, as he best can, the same cause.
(Abraham Lincoln)

To learn more about this attack plus additional special reports, visit my old network - CTV News - Assignment Afghanistan.

(Go to URL)

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August 24, 2007 - Need Your Help - Building Your Life - Think before you Speak (to your wife)

I would like to ask you, the Retirement News Blog reader, a big favour - could you spare some time to send an old man a recipe?

I know I could ask the wife - she has hundreds of recipes but I think that would be cheating.

Why, you may ask, would you want to send a recipe to some old geezer who spends less time in the kitchen than he does cleaning out the garage?

Well, here's the story - Site Build It my web hosting outfit, has come up with another techie programme that I think has great potential in making the home website interactive.

If I work this thing properly, folks will be able to build their own webpage on the site, upload pictures, rant and rave, share all kinds of stuff - you know, the latest buzz - socializing online - it could be a real hoot.

However, there's a tad of a problem - I have to pay for this new setup - but before I pay the bucks, they have given me a freebee to test it out.

Regular visitors to this Blog and the home website know that I am not a computer geek - computer goof - would be more appropriate - I'm working this socializing thing with one hand turning the pages of the "How to Guide" while working the computer keyboard with one finger of the other hand.

I decided to set this test on the Cooking Recipes and Retirement Recipes chapters.

The actual page is titled - Recipe Sharing that allows folks to build their own webpage featuring an interesting, retirement easy recipe as well as uploading a picture or pictures - then visitors to the page can comment and rate the recipe.

So, if you would search for an interesting, retirement easy recipe from the family cookbook and build your webpage we would soon find out whether I can handle the setup of the programme.

Got to honest with you - I hope it works and I can work it because I believe this is the future for small web guys like myself - bringing together folks with a common interest - if it goes - the travel chapter will be next - followed by the biggie - the Positive Thinking chapter - we could help a lot of people with that one.

But first things first - the recipe sharing - and thanks - keep your fingers crossed.

Speaking of recipes and thereby food - I can't offer up this as a recipe but more as a tip. I just discovered that instead of mustard, ketchup and relish to dress up a hot dog - spread red-pepper jelly and a slice of cheese - takes the hot dog to a new level.

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Thanks to retired buddy Jim Hill for two items today, the following video and today's kicker:

This guy is great - be sure to have your sound up

SIDEBAR FOR CANADIAN READERS: - With the debate going on across our country concerning our military commitment in Afghanistan - you might be interested in today's Toronto Star editorial that I just republished on the Connect to Canada page on the home website.

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I copied the following story from a Blog written by Australian Lee Nutter, I don't know if he wrote it or someone else but the message is worth a read:

"An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife, enjoying his extended family.

He would miss the pay cheque, but he needed to retire. They would get rental support, so they would get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favour. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work.

He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.

When the carpenter finished his work the employer came to inspect the house. He handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."

The carpenter was shocked! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building.

Then with a shock we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we'd do it much differently.

But we cannot go back.
You are the carpenter. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. "Life is a do-it-yourself project," someone has said.

Your attitudes and the choices you make today, build the "house" you live in tomorrow. Build wisely! Build well!"

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Thanks to retired bowling buddy Bernice Dini for today's lesson:

LEARN A NEW WORD TODAY

• Aribitrator\ar'-bi-tray-ter/: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
• Avoidable\u-voy'-duh-buhl/: What a bullfighter tries to do.
• Baloney\buh-lo'-nee/: Where some hemlines fall.
• Bernadette\burn'-a-det/: The act of torching a mortgage.
• Burglarize\bur'-gler-ize/: What a crook sees with.
• Control\kon-trol'/: A short ugly inmate.
• Counterfeiters\kown-ter-fit-ers/: Workers who put together kitchen counters.
• Eclipse\i-klips'/: what an English barber does for a living.
• Eyedropper\i'-drop-ur/: a clumsy opthalmologist.
• Heroes\hee'-rhos/: what a guy in a boat does.
• Left Bank\left'bangk'/: what a robber did when his bag was full of loot.
• Misty\mis'-tee/: How golfers create divots.
• Paradox\par'-u-doks/: Two physicians.
• Parasites\par'-uh-sites/: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.
• Pharmacist\farm'-uh-sist/: a helper on the farm.
• Polarize\po'lur-ize/: what penguins see with.
• Primate\pri'-mate/: removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
• Relief\ree-leef'/: what trees do in the spring.
• Rubbberneck\rub'-er-nek/: what you do to relax your wife.
• Seamtress\seem'-stres/: describes 250 pounds in a size six.
• Selfish\sel'fish/: what the owner of a seafood store does.
• Subdued\sub-dood'/: like a guy that works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
• Sudafed\sood'-a-fed/: bringing litagation against a government official.

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Harvey and Gladys are getting ready for bed. Gladys is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself.

"You know, Harvey , "she comments. "I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs sag so much that they dangle to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and...my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenburg!"

She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself."

Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

He never heard the shot.

Don't forget the recipe and thanks - (Go to URL)

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August 27, 2007 - Pets Are Next - Weekend Web Wanderings - One More "Think before You Talk"

By George I think he's got it!

Re; my last entry concerning my attempt to make the home website interactive and testing it the idea with Recipe Sharing - I was able to get three interactive webpage's up and running - I'm editing a couple of others and It looks like I can work the system - which for me is no mean feat.

Site Built It, my web hosting outfit is allowing me more freebee time to expand the idea before I have to pay the bucks and I was initially thinking of making the travel chapter interactive next - but I received an Email from retired buddy Jim Hill over the weekend that changed my mind - I'm going with the Pet Chapter

Why? Here's Jim's Email:

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say its not quite as good as his mothers...

Buy a dog

If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want ....

Buy a dog

If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies....

Buy a dog

If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ......

Buy a dog

If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually.....

Buy a dog

BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness.............

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Buy a Cat

Now come on - this has to be a winner - sharing pet pics and stories - I could tell you a few about our cat Toughie and thanks to the wife, we have enough pictures of her to fill a library of albums - hell, she's family - she's traveled more than my grandkids

So that's the next test - if you have a favourite picture of your pet - it doesn't have to be a dog or cat - share it - Build your own pet webpage.

Weekend Web Wanderings -

While on the subject of pets and cats - According to an Australia TV network "More than half of all cats over the age of 15 show signs of senility."

Among the behaviour associated with cat senility are shifting sleep habits, acting disoriented and "changes in their social relationships"

Check out this video - the man's amazing - Sam the Bellhop - turn up your sound.

There's more bacteria on a hospital room's TV remote control than on the flush handle of a hospital room toilet - Nosocontrol.com.

The first municipal dump was created in 500BC in Athens where trash had to be deposited no closer than one mile outside the city limits - Discover Magazine.

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Thanks to retired buddy Bernice Dini for today's kicker:

A retired husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and says:

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- deadly silence --
HUSBAND: "Oh Crap!"

Have a great day and don't forget to build your own webpage and share your favourite pet picture and the story behind it - (Go to URL)

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August 30, 2007 - Slideshows - Coffee message - Thoughts from a Retired Woman

This is the day - the annual check up - stress test - the "snap-the-rubber-glove" exam - connect the wires tests - the whole pinch and probe thing and, as I have been trying to make the host website interactive, I failed to file away material ahead of time for today's Blog edition, so I'm taking the easy road by clearing out my Email incoming box.

First, using many of the pet pictures sent to me by a number of viewers, I uploaded a Pet Pictures Slide Show as an opening entry on the new Pet News Interactive page on the host website - scroll to the bottom of the page.

My thanks to retired buddy Jim Hill for the following two items.

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again........

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as though just as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil.

In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl .
She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.
Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did, and noted that they were soft.
The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.
Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.

The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ?"What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.
However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however.
After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?

Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean?
The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.

When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

This slide show was Emailed to me - it's from the Canadian Bible Society - I like the message - There's a Time

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Finished another interact page on the home website - if you have travel tip to share or travel picture to upload - and I hope you do - build your own webpage - it's easy - check it out - Senior Travel Tips

I cheated - I posted the first entry myself - if your planning to visit the UK, the wife and I have found this is the only way to go.

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For retired Ladies - the following thoughts have been submitted via Email

One day my housework-challenged retired husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb.

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A retired couple are lying in bed. The retired guy says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

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A retired wife's prayer:

Dear Lord,
I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN.

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Q: What does it mean when a retired man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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The Doc awaits - must rush - have a great weekend and get to work on your creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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