Positive, Productive, Profitable Retirement News

OK, I admit it - as soon as I read the story, I put down the newspaper, went directly to the kitchen - and smelled a banana.

Bet I wasn't the only one - I could picture hundreds of seniors sniffing everything from lemons to gasoline in order to see if their smeller was still operational.

Young folks witnessing such action might well think the oldie snorting black pepper has slipped over the side of senility - but nay, he or she is just checking their aging memory computer.

It's all because of this study released on Monday that one's inability to sniff smells could possibly - and the key word here is possibly - indicate the beginning of Alzheimer's.

The researchers studied 800 people between the ages of 54 to 100 for five years, giving them annual tests in which they were asked to identify a dozen familiar smells: onion, lemon, cinnamon, black pepper, chocolate, rose, banana, pineapple, soap, paint thinner, gasoline and smoke.

The people who made at least four errors on the odor test were 50 percent more likely to develop problems than people who made one or no errors - overall, about one-third of the people developed at least mild trouble with memory and thinking.

Other studies back this up noting the microscopic lesions considered the hallmarks of Alzheimer's first appear in the region of the brain responsible for identifying scents.

But I hope everyone read the small pint - the head honcho for this research, Robert Wilson of Chicago's Rush University Medical Center said a diminishing sense of smell isn't cause for panic - "Not all low scorers went on to have cognitive problems" - it's a possible indicator - however, as Claire Murphy, an Alzheimer's expert not involved in the study noted: "If a person is old and has a very good sense of smell, that's a very good sign."

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Great story - quote of the month -

"You're nae hitting the polis, mate. There's nae chance"

That's what John Smeaton, the Scottish baggage handler was thinking when he jumped in to help a policeman trying to subdue the two medical maniacs who drove the flaming Jeep Cherokee into the Glasgow airport - Here's one of his interviews

John has become a true hero - someone even published a a John Smeaton website and the last time I checked, over one thousand pints have been donated. - going to be one hell of a party.

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Here's another worthwhile quote:

"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them don't exist except in our imagination." - -- Steve Allen

At the top I was talking about memory - well, I can't remember if I added this link in the past - I found the note under my desk - but just in case - here's another link to file under - "They should get a life" - as someone has "captured" what takes place after you leave your computer only to return and wonder why all the icons on your desktop are in a different location - it's the war of the Icons.

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My thanks to daughter-in-law Julie for sending me the picture of the week.

WEATHER WARNING - when you see this on your way out the door in the morning - go back in and have another cup of coffee - it is probably not going to be a good day.

Also found under my desk was this contribution from retired buddy Carole Clooney -

What a Woman Wants in a Man . . .

Original List:

1. Handsome - Charming - Financially successful
2. A caring listener - Witty - In good shape
3. Dresses with style - Appreciates finer things - Full of thoughtful surprises
4. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking - Opens car doors, holds chairs - Has enough money for a nice dinner
2. Listens more than talks - Laughs at my jokes - Carries bags of groceries with ease
3. Owns at least one tie - Appreciates a good home-cooked meal - Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
4. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Not too ugly - Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car - Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
2. Nods head when I'm talking - Usually remembers punch lines of jokes - Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
3. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach - Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids - Remembers to put the toilet seat down
4. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed - Doesn't belch or scratch in public - Doesn't borrow money too often
2. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting - Doesn't retell the same joke too many times - Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
3. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear - Appreciates a good TV dinner - Remembers your name on occasion
4. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Doesn't scare small children - Remembers where bathroom is - Doesn't require much money for upkeep
2. Only snores lightly when asleep - Remembers why he's laughing - Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
3. Usually wears some clothes - Likes soft foods - Remembers where he left his teeth
4. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 82)

1. Breathing

2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

A very happy 4th to our American readers.

Remember to work on developing your creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

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July 5, 2007 - Off Day Entry - Honour the Fallen

Unfortunately, I'm posting an off day entry as I've had to change the "war on terror" honour roll numbers on the Connect2Canada page of the home website.

Yesterday, six more Canadian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan - victims of a roadside bomb near the NATO base in Kandahar - their Afghan interpreter was also killed.

Killed:

• Cpl. Jordan Anderson
• Capt. Matthew Johnathan Dawe - Clearwater, Man.
• Cpl. Cole Bartsch - of Whitecourt, Alta
• Pte. Lane Watkins - of Clearwater, Man.
  all members of 3rd Battalion, Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry
• Master-Cpl. Colin Bason - a reservist with the Royal Westminster Regiment
• Capt. Jefferson Francis - 1st Royal Canadian Horse Artillery.

Their deaths brings to 66 the number of Canadian troops killed at the hands of the enemy or in accidents in Afghanistan since 2002.

They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The soldiers killed were due to end their tour of duty in Afghanistan at the end of this month.

However, Canadian solders in Afghanistan fervently argue that they must stay and fight the Taliban - Sgt. Paul Pay, a member of the Hotel Company platoon that suffered six Easter Sunday casualties, said recently - "Every soldier's death makes us more determined to stay, otherwise their sacrifice will be in vain."

Senior officers with regional command predict this year will exceed the 2,853 "significant activities" of combat against the enemy recorded in Kandahar during 2006. They openly admit Kandahar is one of only two provinces classified as unstable.

Polls show that from half to two-thirds of the public want the Canadian troops out - but in an editorial today, July 5th, the Toronto Star argued otherwise.

More than 18,500 troops make up ISAF, with contributions from 36 nations.

To learn more about the NATO force and mission - click here for their official web site.

Honor to the soldier, and Sailor everywhere , who bravely bears his country's cause,
Honor also to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field, and serves, as he best can, the same cause.
(Abraham Lincoln)

To learn more about this attack plus additional special reports, visit my old network - CTV News - Assignment Afghanistan.

(Go to URL)

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July 6, 2007 - Retire the Triple Sevens - Web Wanderings - Retirement Travel

"Here's the plan," said the retired accountant to the rest of the group - "We arrive at the casino about six o'clock tomorrow morning - have a bit of breakfast, then, just before seven o'clock, we stake out our favourite slot - wait for the clock to hit seven then we ride it to win - can't miss - we've got the sign - we add another seven to the 07/07/07."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing - this man of figures, who should know better than most, diving into the polluted waters of casino gambling without a life jacket.

But he's not alone - it's my understanding that legions of seniors will flock to casinos tomorrow lured by the gambler's fallacy of the triple 7's.
Vegas is expecting record crowds - including hundreds of couples who will jam the sleazy wedding chapels in the hope that the triple 7's will bless their union.

It seems this fascination of lucky 7's has warped even the brightest of minds - a four and three - a five and two - a six and a one - craps - winner- or is it just plain crap? - The seven dwarfs - The seven deadly sins - The seven orders of architecture - The seven seas - on and on it goes.

There's a muddy Waters' song - the "Hootchie Cootchie Man" with these lyrics:

On the seventh hour of the seventh day of the seventh month the seven doctors say,
He were born for good luck that you'll see
I got seven hundred dollars - don't you mess with me
'cause I'm the hootchie cootchie man"

One should make a few changes:

On the seventh hour of the seventh day of the seventh month of the seventh year the seven doctors say,
He was born to lose - that you'll see
He got seven hundred dollars - it won't last long
'cause he's the triple seven man."

Before you're lured by the evil goddess of triple seven - take a look at this PBS Frontline report on gambling - note the section about playing Blackjack using the so called "perfect strategy" - that can, if played properly, assures you of being at no more than a 2 percent disadvantage against the casino - no guarantees - but still the best game in town.

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From web wanderings this week I learned from the US department of labour that by 2012, the U.S. will have more security guards than high school teachers.

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Human urine could nourish the plankton used as food on fish farms. Plankton grown in diluted urine do better than those given other nitrogen-rich materials - this from Nature.com.

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The headline - It's not what you expect: Women are more resilient, men more focused. She navigates by landmarks, he by internal compass. Our differences are surprising-and profound.

While touring the Discover Magazine website, in an essay by Linda Marsa, titled He thinks, She Thinks - this quote from Larry Cahill, a neurobiologist at the University of California at Irvine -

"The brain is divided into two hemispheres that play different roles in perception and behavior. The right side is relatively more involved with visual and spatial control, while the left is the seat of language.

There is evidence that the male brain uses either one hemisphere or the other and relies on specialized brain regions when performing a task.
Women, meanwhile, call on both hemispheres regardless of the task, resulting in greater communication between the two; they also enlist more brain regions to process information.

When at rest, male minds appear to be more attuned to the "external world," while there may be a "differential tilt toward the internal world" in female brains."

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Finally, from National Geographic, The Amazon river is 284 kilometres ( 176 miles in my world) longer than it was thought to be, which would make it the longest river in the world - Amazon 6,799.6 kilometres -.The Nile - 6,695 Kilometres.

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My thanks to retired buddy Dan Dombroski for today's kicker:

While heading south for the winter, an elderly Canadian couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her......"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and credit card."

Now let's work on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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July 9, 2007 - Retirement Job: Tree Planting - Fred's Gone

The rockers rocked- we heard the gospel according to Gore - but was the message received?

I realize, at my age, I'm not part of their target audience, but, to me, Saturdays Live Earth concert was a yawn - perhaps we're at the satellite concert saturation point.

But in my warped way of thinking, I don't believe such a production, with all its energy-sucking extravagance, is the way to send a "save the earth" kind of message and such non-energy saving headliners the right kind of messengers.

I'm not alone on this - Matt Helders, the drummer for the group Artic Monkeys - who refused the invitation to perform - told the Agence France-Presse - "It's a bit patronizing for 21 year olds to try and start to change the world, especially, when we're using enough power for ten houses just for lighting. It'd be a bit hypocritical."

Columnist Vinay Menon writes - "Here's another inconvenient truth: these concerts have become wretched clichés. We are getting inured to the world's most vexing problem by distracting celebrity activism."

Anyway, I "m plodding on with my own "Save the Earth" projects as noted in previous entries - small stuff - I bought another green grocery bag - have four now and have to admit its like wearing a badge of honour when you walk out of the supermarket.

A representative of the provincial government's hydro company came to our door and offered to install - for free - new water-saving shower heads - they're better than the ones we had - checked my car's tires air pressure - and gave that holier-than-thou, tree-hugger sneer to a guy getting into an SUV the size of a yacht - like I say small things - but it's a start.

But my next STE project is to plant a tree - where I don't know - there's no tree planting space left in my front and backyards - I'm planning to phone the local horticultural society for ideas.
But tree planting is vital and I suggest that every retiree plant a tree(s) - true, you may not be around to see it in all its full glory but your grandkids will and a tree will likely be more valuable, over the long haul, than any money you leave behind.

A trees value is based on where you live and what kind of a tree you plant.
Example: A recent tree survey in New York values the city's nearly 600,000 trees at $122 million with this breakdown:

• $11 million (U.S.) for filtering out air pollutants
• $28 million saved in energy consumption (less need for air conditioners)
• $36 million for stemming storm-water runoff
• $53 million credited to "aesthetic benefits".

What a great gift to leave behind - think about it.

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Weekend web wanderings uncovered the following - if you own any stock in a machete making company - sell.
According to the news agency of Nigeria, the price of a machete has plunged by 50% in Nigeria.

It now costs 400 naia or about $3.40.
The reason - low demand from thugs who were sponsored by politicians before the elections in April - aren't you glad you live free.

One more - The Independent reports Beethoven's masterpiece know as Moonlight Sonata was so named after his death when a poet and critic, Ludwig Rellstab, likened the first movement to moonlight shining of Switzerland's Lake Lucerne.

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What a sad moment, Ah say, a sad moment.

Those son's of biscuit bakers who produce Coronation Street have killed off Fred Elliot.

Readers of this Blog from outside the UK and the Queen's Dominions may not know about Fred, but he was my favourite character on Corrie Street - the Brit soap opera that's been running since 1960.

I admit to being a Corrie addict - this soap is about real people - not like the North American soaps were every man is handsome and rich and the woman are all beautiful and rich - on Coronation Street the beautiful is in proportion to the average and the richest guy owns a small ladies underwear factory - just plain, hard working folks.

Anyway, Fred, was the local butcher and pub owner - a mountain of a man, with a bald head and booming voice who would, like Foghorn Leghorn, often repeat himself - "Ah'll not stand for it! Ah say, not stand for it!"

Now in Canada, our Coronation Street runs about six months behind the original in the UK - so I was late learning about Fred's demise - (he dropped dead of a heart attack while visiting another woman on his wedding day)

I found a Corrie Street video clip featuring Fred Elliot - it goes back to 1997 - Stay with me here - Fred has injured himself on the golf course and returns home, - Ashley - who thinks Fred is his uncle but he's really his father - has stashed his girl friend - later to become his wife and who's character is murdered years later (contract negotiation problems) - is not expecting Fred to return home so soon - an example of why he was my Corrie Street favourite - opens new window.

By Googling, I found that John Savident - an ex cop who became an actor later in life, who played Fred for the past 12 years, quit on his own - first to have a heart valve replacement then return to the stage with a touring company performing Hobson's Choice - good luck and good health to Fred/John.

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Redneck's Retirement thought for the day:

I'm Always Smiling
Cuz I Don't Know What The Hell Is Goin' On

The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Gainesboro , TN. )

1. Just one God
2. Honor yer Ma & Pa
3. No tellin' tales or gossipin'
4. Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
5. Put nothin' before God
6. No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
7. No killin'
8. Watch yer mouth
9. Don't take what ain't yers
10. Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?

Y'all have a nice day - and git workin' on that creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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July 11, 2007 - Retirement Bonus Years - 50 Plus - Junk Food and Stress - Florida Heat

Tony has joined our club - the retirement club - he's 65 - appears to be in good health - never takes a golf cart -walks the full eighteen and can hammer a drive 250 plus - but he's worried he's going to live too long.

It started with a mailer from his insurance company informing him new stats indicate that a 65-year-old man today has a 34 percent chance of living until age 90 and a 17 percent chance of making it to 95.

A 65-year-old women have even better odds: a 44 percent chance of making it to age 90 and a 23 percent chance to live until 95.

Tony figures if he's one of the one in five baby boomers who will live in retirement for more than thirty years - his savings may not cover - these bonus years.

I wonder if Tony has a computer - I found there's a magic trick that lets you build a supplement retirement income while keeping you mentally sharp during those "bonus years."

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Take a break - "I have no affiliation with the outfit that produced this slide show so I know nothing about them but I like their message - Everything I know, I learned from my dog

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Thanks to retired buddy Dan Dombroski for the following:

Q: Where can women over the age of 50 find young, sexy men, who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore under fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid spotting a wrinkle every time you walk by a mirror?
A: The next time you're in front of a mirror, take off your glasses.

Q: Why should 50+ year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 50+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is a problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where do 50+ year olds look for fashionable glasses?
A: Their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 50+ year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "I "remember"

As a follow up to that - check this out and sing-a-long The Man

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We all know, but apparently don't care, that junk food is bad for us - at least too much junk food - but, if we eat our junk food while we're stressed - you can bet the farm that we'll be the fast track to Fatsville.

Experimenting with mice placed on a diet that's equivalent of a junk-food, scientists have uncovered a biological switch that can promote fat growth in chronically stressed animals

After two weeks, only the mice that were both stressed and fed the junk-food diet gained a significant amount of weight, accumulating about twice as much fat in their bellies as non-stressed mice that consumed the same diet. .

No wonder, the world is filling up with fat people - stress and junk food - duh.

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Here in my area of the world we're finally busting out of a heat wave and temps are back to normal in the low 70's - but as my retired Florida bowling buddy Bernice Dini noted - "you think it's hot up there" - and sent this - Florida Blessing~

Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry - Please keep it cool in mid-July.
Bless the walls where termites dine - While ants and roaches march in time.
Bless our yard where spiders pass - Fire ant castles in the grass.
Bless the garage, home to please - Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.
Bless the love bugs, two by two - The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.
Millions of creatures that fly or crawl - In FLORIDA, Lord, you've put them all!
But this is home, and here we'll stay - So thank you Lord, for insect spray.

HOLD IT............there's more...........

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN FLORIDA IN JULY WHEN.

• The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
• The trees are whistling for the dogs.
• The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• Hot water now comes out of both taps.
• You can make sun tea instantly.
• You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!
• The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
• You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
• You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. (Been there, done that!)
• You actually burn your hand opening the car door. (Yup, that too!)
• You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
• Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
• You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
• The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
• Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
• The cows are giving evaporated milk.

Now let's check out how to add supplement retirement income - (Go to URL)

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July 13, 2007 - Retirement Interview - War Artists - Zen Retirement Sarcasm

As a "senior" in the age-of-retirement club, I appreciate the positive approach to life shown by many of the young people in our retirement organization - the baby boomers who never admit to growing old.

I'm a nosey-mother - when I attend some grey hair gathering, I like to eavesdrop, and much of what I hear from my "75 plus" group is nothing more than bitch-babble.
Many times I think it's an image problem - the crotchety elderly person who damns anything and everything - that's what old people are expected to do, they say - that's bull biscuits I say.

No matter what your age - you must have some sort of positive vision filled with passion and purpose to carry you though your remaining days.

Allow me to reminisce for the next few paragraphs.
Back in the middle 80's, my television network assigned me to host a weekly, one guest, half hour, interview show - no celebrities or big-name politicians - just ordinary folks who had interesting stories to tell.

A few guests discovered hidden talents such as painting or writing - others overcame family or personal tragedies to move ahead by helping others with little or no fanfare - one guest spent years tracking down and bringing together a family separated by war - another fulfilled a lifelong dream by building a boat then he and his wife set sail for foreign ports.

I can't remember the exact number of interviews - the show lasted four seasons - but, thinking back, I believe the majority of guests were in the 50 plus age group - their life turnaround was sparked well into the second half of their lives.

Now - I would like to interview you - this is a "theatre-of-the-mind" experiment - VISUALIZATION

This intriguing idea is not mine and unfortunately I can't give credit to it's authour - his or her name was not listed on the paper I found on the library table.

If you're rushed as you read this -come back later when you can relax and play the part.
First, you should take a few deep breaths with your eyes closed - RELAX - you are going to project an image on your "theatre-of-the mind" screen - ready?

Imagine you are 100 years old.
You're sitting on your front porch, rocking gently in the quiet of a sunny afternoon, reminiscing about your life.

You're organizing your thoughts in preparation for my visit later in the day so I can interview you about your life.

Because of a pre-interview visit by the show's field producer, you know I will ask about your successes in life, as well as your family life, your friendships, and how you have managed to live so long in good physical and mental health.

Now, Picture yourself nearing the end of a very long and successful life, feeling good about yourself, your accomplishments, your family and friends.

Imagine me, (I wonder how you picture me - be kind) walking up to your home - the crew already has set up the interview site - you're now accustomed to the bright lights - picture us settling down on your porch in comfortable whicker chairs - the director gives us our cue - I start off with a brief intro that leads into my first question: When you look back on your life, what were your main values - what phrases or philosophies have you modeled your life after?

Allow approximately ONE minute for your answer

We'll meet your family later - but it's obvious that you have maintained a positive family environment - what are the ingredients of the foundation you built with your wife/husband that made the relationship positive?

Allow approximately ONE minute for your answer

On this, your 100th birthday, your surrounded by many friends - what three adjectives would you imagine your friends using as an indication of the quality of your friendships with them?

Allow approximately ONE minute for your answer

I know that you have been retired for more than 35 years, but I understand you have kept in touch with many of your coworkers - what three adjectives would they use to describe the effectiveness of your working relationships?

Allow approximately THREE minutes for this answer.

Given your successful and rewarding life, how did you maintain your own emotional and physical well-being? What activities or commitments did you have in your life that enabled you to stay physically and emotionally healthy?

Allow approximately ONE MINUTE for this answer.

I would like to sincerely thank you for taking the time for this interview - you're to be congratulated for maintaining an inner balance in your life - we have all learned important lessons from you today on how to live effectively - but now let's meet you family.

The director yells "cut" - the crew starts moving equipment - the interview is over.

No matter what your age - you must have some sort of positive vision filled with passion and purpose to carry you though your remaining days - it's never to late - remember you may be interviewed some day.

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Now over to a rival network - an interesting feature on war art - war artists embedded with Canadian forces in Afghanistan.

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My thanks to retired Florida neighbour Dan Dombroski for today's kicker -

ZEN RETIREMENT SARCASM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either - just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
8. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
10. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
11. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
12. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
13. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
14. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
15. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Have a great weekend - remember to spend a few minutes researching your creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

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July 16, 2007 - Another Retirement Age Flashback With Great Video

Good morning to all retirees - hope you had a great weekend and that you'll join me for another blast-from-the-past.

This flashback was sparked while I was reading a column by Toronto Star television critic Rob Salem - reporting on a media freeload party sponsored by PBS in Los Angeles to promote their upcoming series - "Pioneers of Television."

On stage to banter about "the good old TV days" was an all star panel made up of Carol Burnett, Tim Conway, Dick Cavett, Betty White and a few others, but what opened the album of my memory was when Cavett talked about my favourite TV performer of all time - the mercurial Jack Parr.

Cavett, who once worked for Parr - said of his former boss - "Jack was the most neurotic, dangerous, brilliant, weird, unsorted out, fascinating personality of my lifetime on television."

Amen to that - but Parr was also a great wit and interviewer plus he had the show business smarts to surrounded himself with captivating guests - many just as witty and neurotic as he - Jonathan Winters, Oscar Levant to mention just two.

As Kenneth Tynan said: "Even if he was sitting there with Gary Grant, you watched Jack, afraid that if you looked away you might miss a live nervous breakdown on the screen."

This flashback goes back to 1957 to 1962 - so just in case some younger folks, through some cruel twist in the web, landed on this retirement Blog and are wondering who the hell I'm talking about, here's a video clip recorded from the special - "50 years of NBC" that aired September 2001 that covers the beginning of late night television. - opens new window

During the middle part of that 57 to 62 period, I was, as programme director, part of the team building a new radio station in Welland Ontario - CHOW - and in order to meet a strict on-air deadline, several of us had to camp out at the studio as it was being built.
We made the deadline and several months later the owners kindly awarded me a bonus - a four day vacation in New York city for the wife and I with all the big apple perks - fine hotel, Broadway shows - generous per diem and - the big prize tickets to the Jack Parr Show.

I think his studios where in Brooklyn, but wherever, they bussed the audience from Time Square and every bus had a stand up comedian to gets us in the right mood for what was ahead - we lucked out big time that night - the weird and wonderful Jonathon Winters was the main guest.

Here's an example of the Parr/winters combo - with Winters playing a gay baseball player.

So now, if you're still with me, grab yourself a cup of coffee or two fingers of something depending on the time of day you're reading this, sit back an enjoy this unique Jack Parr experience.

NOTE: All the following links open a new window, so when you finish each clip, just click off and you'll be returned to this page so you can move on to the next video.

First - two neurotic wits together The brilliant pianist Oscar Levant with jack Parr.Late in his retirement years, Parr was invited to be the headliner on the QueenE2 - not on stage, but on the ships television network - it's presented in three parts.

In the first, Parr highlights some of his big name guest including Castro, Jack Kennedy and Richard Burton

Part two: Parr talks about Judy Garland - complete with clips.

Part Three: Parr talks about the time he quit the show on-air following a dispute with networks censors.

If you're still with me - it's obvious you don't have much to do today so please allow me to offer up one more - This is another Jonathon Winters clip - one of the segments on his old TV show would allow members of the studio audience of offer up an article with which Winters who use as a prop to improvise - in this case a pen and pencil set.

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Did you hear about the little old retired guy who shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No, - Arthritis."

Now, lets get back to work and start researching for a new creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

July 18, 2007 - Retiree Talks about - Gas Prices, Angels and Home Invasions

What a group of Bozos we are.

Yesterday, in our little patch of the world, gas prices unexpectedly dipped from 105.00 a litre to 95.7 cents a litre and we were almost dancing in the streets.

Time Out:

For those of you still lucky enough to enjoy what I call - real measurement -according to my constant companion - my metric calculator - one Imperial gallon = 4.54609188 litres - so, at 96 cents a litre = 4.36 a gallon Cdn or, as of this writing, 4.27 US or, 2.08 Pound Sterling or, 3.11 Euro.

I don't know where you live if that's more or less than what you pay, but here in my home town, we're reacting as if we won the lottery.

After all this time that the oil companies have been ramming high gas prices up our ying-yang, we have become conditioned to accept such small savings with great gratitude - while standing at the pumps filling up our cars, we automatically turn first to the east and bow humbly to the oil sheiks and then turn to the west and do the same to the oil sludge diggers of Alberta.

I suppose when you look back to the fall of 05 when, in Canada, the average gas price was 1.25 a litre we should be thankful for small mercies - but man, it's tough to top the tank when you read about the whopping corporate earnings for the oil companies.

I admit however - I joined the lineup at the pumps to save fourty cents a gallon -but I ain't dancin'.

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Talking about things Canadian - my thanks to not-yet-retired buddy Bill McKay for the following:

You May Be From Canada If

• You don't care about the fuss with Cuba . It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
• You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
• Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
• You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
• You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
• You drink pop, not soda.
• You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
• You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
• You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
• You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada .
• You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
• You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
• You know what a toque is.
• You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".
• You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.
• You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
• You know how to pronounce and spell " Saskatchewan ." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)
• You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada ."
• You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
• "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"
• You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.

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I jotted down the following two items from a magazine while waiting for a haircut - something to think about:

A girl on the street is pointing up at the sky.
'Look, an Angel!' she yells.
A Passerby laughs, 'You fool, that is only a cloud.'
How wonderful it would be to see Angels where there are only clouds.
How sad it would be to see clouds where there are Angels.

Pain and Suffering is inevitable
but Misery is optional.

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As noted in my Self help journal, positive visualization is an important part of maintaining self confidence, especially during the retirement years.

But while reading a news story about an elderly couple suffering severe injuries during a home invasion, I found a another reason to practice positive visualization - but this time, positive visualization about what surrounds you in your home.

Lisa Speidel has taught self-defense classes for police and various groups in the Charlottesville area for 14 years.
Right from the git-go she refuses to name a specific course of action when there's an armed perp in your house - many factors come into play - each case is different - there is no one single correct response to a life-threatening home-invasion scenario.

However, Lisa says " "The ultimate goal is to learn as many different options as possible for any different kind of situation. We could never say this is what you absolutely should do."

Lisa recommends we all practice "positive visualization," or staying aware of the resources that are available in any given moment - this could mean anything from grabbing a nearby lamp to hit the attacker, remaining quiet and sneakily dialing 911 or, a popular option Speidel has used in her class, "go for the eyes."

Know what's around you - where everything is located so you can find them with your eyes closed - If you want to learn more about home security here's an interesting site I uncovered during my web wanderings - The Crime Doctor.

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Now, back to work on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

July 23, 2007 - Retire Mouse Potato - Pucker your Butt - Home Depot Delivery - The Green, Green Grass of Home

I'm a mouse potato and I'm lovin' every minute of it.
(Mouse potato is the online generation equivalent of a couch potato)

For the past five days, I've been addicted to a low cost, downloadable piece of software that has delivered me to a number of fascinating destinations along the information highway.

Also, in such a short period of time, it has given me the opportunity to open up additional retirement supplement income sources.

Matter of fact, I was so involved with this internet engine, I failed to post an entry last Friday - and because of it's potential, I've decided to drop back to two Blog entries a week instead of three in order to have more time to search for the little green ball.

William Hazlitt once said - "Zeal will do more than knowledge." - at my age and with my limited techie know-how that's so very true - it sure helps folks like me when you have someone or something to show you the way.

Watch the videos - People around the world are searching for information and in many cases - few, if any, are supplying it - opens new window.

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One more item dealing with extended stays at the computer - while web wandering I came across the following exercise that will help you keep from expanding your beer gut - not only can you do it while sitting in front of your computer - but anywhere else - walking, standing in line for movie tickets, in an elevator - folks around you will not realize your exercising - unless you pucker your butt with too much effort and scowl and groan.

The idea is to strengthen the muscle that supports your abdominal wall;

• Suck your belly button in tight.
• Squeeze your butt as if you're trying to pull on a pair of too-tight jeans (pretend the top of your head is being pulled toward the ceiling by a string).
• Hold that position for as long as you can - then repeat.

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Have a picture to show you - it was taken in a small town just a few miles from my home city - these are my people.

According to the email I received from my son-in-law Paul - this picture is real - not doctored in any way - and was taken by a guy, who, when he saw what was unfolding, raced to an nearby store and bought a throw away camera so he could snap the pic.

Note the car is still running as witnessed by the exhaust.

The materials were loaded at Home Depot here in south end Barrie, Ont. Their store manager said they made the customer sign a waiver.

While the plywood and 2X4's are fairly obvious, what you can't see is the back seat, which contains - are you ready for this? - 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each.

They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs.
Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven through the floorboard.

I'm told The driver finally came back after the police were called, and he was found crouched behind the rear of the car, attempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed - like I said - welcome to my world..

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Weekend web wanderings:

I like this - an Arabic Proverb:

"Write the wrongs done to you in sand, but write the good things on marble.
Let go of all emotions such as resentment and retaliation, which diminish you,
but hold onto emotions such as gratitude and joy, which increase you."

According to Funtrivia.comThe oldest rabbit in the Guinness Book of World Records, died as the age of 18.

From strangefacts.com almost half the newspapers in the world are published in Canada and the United States.

If you are being buzzed by a housefly while lying bed trying to get to sleep - be informed that unless you whack 'em - the average life span of a house fly is 17 days.

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Thanks to retired buddy Jim Hill for sending in this picture:

A Canadian soldier in Afghanistan - a big sand box - asked his wife to send him some Canadian soil, fertilizer, and some grass seed so that he can feel the grass grow beneath his feet.

When the men of the squadron have a mission, they take turns walking through the grass and the Canadian soil - to bring them good luck.

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You Know You Are Having a Bad Retirement Day ...when you call your voice mail for messages and they're from your doctor, your mechanic, and the tax guy wanting an audit.

Hope you'll return on Thursday - now, let's research our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

July 26, 2007 - Retirement Movie Pick - Learn from the Young - The Crazy English Language

For me, one of the perks of retirement is more time to see more movies and here's another flick fan favourite - Hairspray

As noted in an entry many, many months ago, this old geezer is a movie addict - have been since the teenage years - all types - from cartoons to capers - including, when building up brownie points with the wife - the occasional chick flick - but I have a particular fascination with musicals - sadly, they vanished from the big screen decades ago.

However, could it be the musical is back? Let us hope so.

In my earlier movie addiction confession I mentioned I have only purchased two movie DVDs - Singing in the Rain and Chicago - I plan to make it three when Hairspray is released as a DVD>

May I strongly suggest that you Boogaloo your butt to the nearest Cineplex for this one.

Hairspray, in my humble opinion is a high powered, perfectly produced and performed, infectious, never-lets-you-rest, feel good musical featuring a series of show-stopping numbers.

Here are two of my favourites - both featuring Queen Latifah - First - my number one - Big Blonde and Beautiful.

Second: Come so far - Got so Far to Go - and if you're not swaying in you computer chair tapping your feet while hearing this - get a medical checkup to see if the plugs in your energy engine still have a spark.

And while on the subject of Hairspray - I didn't realize my birth city, that is just 45 miles south of where I live now, was such a swingin' town.

Like the musical Chicago, Hairspray was filmed in Toronto with its streets standing in for Baltimore.

As you can see from the pic above, Mr. Pinky's Hefty Hideaway, the center for one of the big production numbers is really the Starbucks at the corner of Dundas St. W., Roncesvalles Ave.

• The interior of the Hefty Hideaway was the former Robert Deveau Gallery on Queen St. E. and Parliament.

• One of the protest march scenes was filmed in my wife's childhood neighbourhood when it marched through the underpass at Bloor St. W. and Perth.

• The TV station is really Mono Lino Typesetting at Dupont and Howland.

• Motormouth Maybelle's record store was filmed at the Toronto Public Works building at King St. W. and Fraser.

• One reason the producers picked Toronto is that they still have electric streetcars there - they were discontinued in Baltimore in 1963.

By the way, did you know that "Toronto the Good" is an honest, swingin' town?

Readers Digest, conducted a world wide "honesty" survey for their August edition by planting cell phones in public places to see how many would be returned - Toronto came in second to Ljubljana - the Slovenian capital nipped TO by one cell phone.

click here to read the full article.

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Although we retirees like to pass on what we consider to be wise counseling to the young whenever there's an opening, there are times we can learn from them.

Recently a group of students participated in a programme called Rising Stars - that, according to it's director, Peter LaChance, is about planning goals and achieving them - allowing students to see that leadership is about leading yourself - something worth learning no matter how old you are.

• At the start of the program, students were required to write three affirmations or positive attributes about themselves. They were encouraged to repeat the affirmations three times a day

• Each student was asked to list physical, mental, social and family-related goals.

• Their goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, realistically high, have a deadline and be the student's personal ambition.

• With each goal the students write down, they also must list the possible obstacles, solutions and action steps that will help them reach their goal.

Here's the important part I think - the above list allows us to discover what our beliefs are and changing the negatives into positives and, as LaChance points out - changing the negative perceptions helps develop great attitudes.

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Retirement News Trivia:

• One drop of water per second from a leaky faucet wastes about 10,000 litres per year - from igreenbuild.com

• Between 1995 and 2000, the United States Department of Justice gave American cities 8.8 billion dollars to hire more police and improve community policing - these grants had no impact on crime - Criminological Highlights.

• Every two seconds, one person joins the planet's expanding urban population - in 2008, for the first time in human history, a majority of people will live in cities. - Worldwatch Institute.

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I would like to apologize to whoever sent me the following - I copied the copy but deleted the credit - I'm sorry.

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

Hope you'll click back on Monday - have a great weekend and don't forget to work on your creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

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July 30, 2007 - Retired Cats - Chocolate as a Vitamin - You Love Us

It was scary there for a minute - but thank God, Toughie doesn't have the power - so here I am blessed with another day.

Toughie is our house cat - a loyal but spoiled family member for the past 17 years - has enjoyed the retirement life style since the day we got her - hates strangers - loves my wife - tolerates me.

Toughie has about seven favourite overnight sleeping places around the house, one of which is the bottom right corner of our bed - on the wife's side.

However, last Saturday night, at about 2.20 in the morning, I was awakened by her climbing over to my side of the bed and stretching herself along the contour of my legs - panic - this can't be good - I immediately thought of Oscar the cat.

A couple of days before, I read the news story about a house cat that patrols a nursing home's advanced dementia unit.
This cat, named Oscar, has an uncanny knack for predicting when patients are going to die by curling up next to them during their final hours - he's be spot-on 25 times.

Last Saturday night - now fully awake - I was asking the question - do all cats have this deadly Oscar prediction power?

I have no answer to that question - Toughie is either too old to sniff out the presence of the dark angel or she really doesn't give a damn - either way she stayed only a minute or so then moved back to her favourite spot - bottom right corner - on the wife's side.

In case you missed the spooky but fascinating Oscar the cat story - here's the original copy - written by David M. Dosa, M.D., M.P.H. and published in The New England Journal of Medicine.

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I hope I live long enough for this to come about - chocolate as a vitamin.

Researchers have been checking out an Indian tribe in the Panamanian islands who do not have a significant degree of high blood pressure - their population also records a low rate of heart disease, diabetes, and cancer - tribe members drink three or four 10-ounce servings of cocoa per day - but it's a special blend of cocoa - it's chock-full of epicatechin, a flavonoid that helps widen and relax blood vessels.

According to the researchers, the tribe members also eat lots of fish and fruit, and their diet or their lifestyle -- or both -- may be part of the lack-of-disease equation - researchers have ruled out genetics.

So, until this Panamanian research is completed, our only hope for a fairly healthy chocolate fix is dark chocolate- but you have to do the math.

Researchers from the University of L'Aquila in Italy found that after eating only 100 grams, or 3.5 ounces, of dark chocolate every day for 15 days, 15 healthy people had lower blood pressures and were more sensitive to insulin, an important factor in metabolizing sugar.

However, 100 grams of dark chocolate contains roughly 500 calories so you need to subtract an equivalent amount of calories by cutting back on other foods, to avoid weight gain.

By the way, Another study showed that elderly people with high blood pressure experienced a drop in pressure after eating dark chocolate bars, but not white chocolate, which contains no flavonoids.

Researchers are now speculating that the flavonoids in dark chocolate could one day be given vitamin status meaning we chocolate addicts would no longer have to hide our chocolate bars in the den - behind the Charles Dickens books on the middle shelf - we could proudly and publicly proclaim - "My name is Dave and I'm a chocolate addict" - then pop three and half ounces of dark chocolate followed by the usual Aspirin and beta blocker.

Chocolate as a vitamin could also help the sale of my public domain find - Chocolate, Cocoa and Home Made Candy Recipes

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Retired Florida buddy Bernice Dini passed this site on - it's dedicated to American armed forces but could also be forwarded to all the NATO troops fighting our battle against terrorism - If I should die before you wake.

There was a recent brouhaha in the city of Toronto when Mayor tried to raise taxes - again - it reminded me of this Ronald Regan Quote:

"Government's view of the economy
could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it.
If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

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Remember when actress Sally Fields had the meltdown during the Academy Awards when she accepted her best Actress Oscar with the emotional cry of "You Love me - You really Love me" - well, according to a recent Canadian Poll - we seniors can say the same thing to the rest of the population.

An Angus Reid Strategies of Toronto survey shows that most Canadians are pretty positive when it comes to how they view seniors.

92 per cent of those surveyed said those over 65 are a valuable component of society and 82 per cent said they believe their communities respect the elderly. Three out of four respondents disagreed that older people are a burden on younger generations.

Among other findings in the poll:

• 72 per cent of Canadians said they would take their parents in to live with them if necessary, though 41 per cent said people should plan for old age so they don't have to depend on others.

• 61 per cent are looking forward to retirement, although 53 per cent worry about growing old.

• 71 per cent don't believe retirement should be mandatory.

• More than three-quarters of those surveyed did not believe the Canada Pension Plan or the health care system will adequately handle the needs of seniors in the future.

Another reason to look into a creative retirement job - before you retire,

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I would also like to thank Florida neighbour Bernice Dini for today's kicker.

The nurse wheeled Grandma out into the day-room of the Shady Rest senior's home in her wheelchair, where family and friends had gathered to celebrate her one hundredth birthday.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time in the day-room, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so a nurse grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the nurse grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the nurse again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma - you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly, laboriously wrote a note to the nephew...

"They won't let me fart."

Hope you'll be back on Thursday - that is if Toughie doesn't snuggle up to me during the night - in the meantime, keeping researching your creative retirement job - start here - (Go to URL)

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