Positive, Productive, Profitable Retirement News

I find as I grow older, thoughts about the past become more frequent, mainly because of the numerous "trigger" reminders thrown at us everyday - example, the Dion/Presley duet on American Idol I mentioned in the previous entry.

Another "memory trigger" had me thinking back to my working years and asking myself the question - would I have joined this movement?

I was reading about a movement underway in Britain, that is urging it's followers to find personal happiness by leading a simplified life - working less, buying and spending less and thereby having more time to spend with their families.

This life downshifting was organized three years ago by UK journalist and broadcaster Tracey Smith who explains the idea this way - "Downshifting is about clawing back pockets of money and pockets of time and reinvesting them in the direction of our children and loved ones.

It means slowing down your life, even just one notch, even if it means earning a bit less money and shopping a bit less.
It involves the realization that instead of working yourself to the breaking point to give your kids every single piece of ridiculously expensive technology you can give them something more valuable - your time."

Smith, went the whole distance with her downshifting - quit her job - bought a small plot of land in the town of Chard, in Somerset, and claims, although she doesn't make much money as a freelance broadcaster and journalist, she's living a rich and meaningful life - " My fortune is a roof over my head, veggies in the garden, and three free-range children aged 6, 8 and 9. We bake bread pretty much every day. My kids understand healthy food. We cook from fresh and we do it together.
It's about taking stress out of your life by realizing that you can actually be happier with less."

Smith admits she's the extreme but advises folks who would like to downshift to start small - "Just find your comfort level. Our lives are like onions of complication, so take away one little layer of the onion.
Set aside one of your credit cards, that will be one complication gone.
Or split bulk buys with friends - which means fewer shopping hours and a bit less money spent.
Just claw a little something back and see how you make out with it."

Here's Tracey Smith's tips for the simple life -

1. Book a half-day off work and spend it entirely with a loved one. No home renovating allowed.
2. Eliminate three non-essential purchases this week.
3. Turn off the TV tonight. Try radio for a change. Or play a few games, read or, gasp, talk.
4. Unclutter your life by rounding up clothes, toys or useful items for a charity shop or recycling centre.
5. Cook a meal from scratch using locally sourced, seasonal ingredients. Try organic.
6. Plant something you can cultivate and eat in the garden, balcony or terrace.
7. Break up the work/spend cycle by volunteering an hour of your time at a local charity shop, animal shelter or hospice.
8. Scan the calendar for the next birthday or anniversary of a loved one. Hand-make a card to mark the occasion.
9. Experiment with setting up a pool, sharing bulk purchases with neighbours or the commute to work to claw back time and money.

Hell, that list is easy - it's called retirement.

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Retirement News Web Wandering Trivia -

Men and women can recall more than 70 per cent of emotional words like love, kiss and passion after they've been spoken into their left ear, but only 58 per cent with the right.

Women over 50 with a long history of migraines do better on memory tests than women of the same age with no such history.

It takes more brainpower to spell an irregular word like "yacht" than a phonetic word like "blink."

When crabs are stressed, their legs and claws fall off.

This one is for our American friends - Check out your old stomping grounds during the times of the penny postcard. - Click on the state and then on the county to see old Penny postcards from that area.

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For the golf retirees a couple of notes found on a clubhouse message board -

A handicapped golfer is one who plays golf with his wife. That's not nice!!!
Golfers can spend an entire weekend with hookers, and it won't even bother their wives.
Golf has made more liars out of more people than all the income tax forms ever filed.

Now let's research your creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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May 4, 2007 - Retirement Job News Blog's Web Wandering

I'm a Dave Berry Fan.

This guy is a Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary - his humour column in the Miami Herald covers everything from the international economy to exploding toilets - or did - I think he's in a semi retirement phase at the moment.

If you want to know about this gifted individual take a moment to visit his website and read some of his columns.

Anyway, I also came across a website designed by another Dave Berry fan who has developed a programme that allows you to write a Dave Berry column of your own - you just fill in the blanks.

It's an interesting creative moment - I tried and although it falls far short of a Dave Berry original, it had me mentally active for half an hour - this is my first attempt of filling in the blanks -

Recently in Barrie (motto: "It's lights out at ten"), residents reported an outbreak of old farts. Perhaps you think there are no old farts in Barrie.

As the French say, au contraire (literally: "warm and friendly as an Afghan prison guard!").

I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Big Tony, whose name can be rearranged to spell "BYINGO T", although that is not my main point. "Big Tony", by the way, only has the letters "iony" in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.

According to a quote which I am not making up, from Barrie Mayor Vanderhoff (formally "Mayor Vanderhoff" and informally "Slats"), old farts ranks as a major crisis just behind seeding, manure and rain (insert your "crop dusting" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Barrie government employees:

FIRST BARRIE EMPLOYEE: "may you plunge into a lightweight bout of migraines"

SECOND BARRIE EMPLOYEE: "may your tail pipe fall off"

FIRST BARRIE EMPLOYEE: "I see you're still able to go to the bathroom"

Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Slats, and that is: hang them by George Steinbrenner's cajones.

No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's cajones, although it might involve Employing Tobacco Institute scientists.

My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "designing", and de grace, meaning "a machine that delivers cold beer and chips to my lazy boy chair while not interfering with my TV remote hand".

The procedure (you may want to write this down):

1. truck them to Minnesota
2. send them into space

But instead the Barrie city council (motto: "We'll help, not hinder you the taxpayer when you pry the Latte out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the old farts) should stop propelling themselves while walking by letting off wind, sent this message to the public, and to the world: "this program is our contribution in combating global warming."

Speaking of which, "The Barrie Old farts Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.

OK, not up Dave Berry standards but maybe if the wife hadn't summon me to get cracking on a project now three weeks old maybe I could have come up with better blanks.

Give it a try - just fill in the blanks and write your Dave Berry Column.

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I like this presentation - you may want to pass it on - in this day and age, being a parent or grandparent ain't easy that's for sure - I don't know the outfit that produced this slide show and there's a commercial at the end of it - I'm not affiliated in any way - but the message is important.

From (National Retail Federation) Almost one-quarter (24%) of consumers shopping for Mother's Day will their gifts from discount stores.
The average male shopper plans to spend about 60% more than an average women shopper

From (researchnews.osu.edu) "Divorce reduces a person's wealth by about three-quarters (77 per cent) compared to that of a single person... And people who get divorced see their wealth begin to drop long before the decree becomes final."

From (mediaincanada.com) - "A hockey fan is 80% more likely that an average Canadian to have bought a high definition TV in the past two years." - no surprise there.

I haven't had time to confirm this with my own research but - check this out -

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

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Have a great weekend and remember, spend some time working on your creative retirement job - here's the place to start - (Go to URL)

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May 7, 2007 - Retirement News Blog Break - Laughter is Good for the Soul - Two Wolves

I've decided to take a Blog break - one week, perhaps two - I've got to hit the books.

I'm starting a new creative retirement job - another website - but this time I'm on my own and all the techie stuff I have to learn means a challenging learning curve I'm sure my grandkids could ace in the time it takes me to shave, but for my aging brain it will take days of research, concentration and retries.

However, for me that's the fun of it - a mental energizer - if I can pull it off, great - if I can't make it work, big whoops - I'm 79 years old, people don't expect all that much from me anyway.

The host website celebrated it's second year anniversary back on April 20th - back then I knew zip about web building and even less about Ecommerce but I had Site Build It to show me the way - thanks to them, the learning curve was just a blip.
I'm taking all that SBI has taught me on this new creative adventure so it shouldn't be all that tough - we'll soon see.

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I haven't visited Kew Gardens in more than 61 years - the last time, if I remember correctly, was when I asked Edna Davies to go steady - she said OK - only lasted a month - she dumped me via a verbal message from her girlfriend and hooked up with a rich kid who live on Beaufort Avenue.

The "Kew" in Toronto's East End Beaches neighbourhood, was the park we played in as kids - I still remember the day when, at the age of ten, our Maclean Avenue Maniacs played the Lee Avenue Lumberjacks in what was supposed to be a tag football game.

Chuck Herbert, a small, skinny kid everyone considered a nerd, left all of us staring in amazement when he unexpectedly chased down and tackled an opponent as he was streaking to a sure touchdown - the ball carrier hit the ground like a jet landing with wheels up - most of the skin on his knees, face and arms were peeled back like a banana.

There was a moment of stunned silence broken only by the wails of the injured player -then, an amazing thing happened - instead of going after the nerd, the Lumberjacks charged us - luckily, they started from the other side of the field giving us a bit of an edge.

It was about eight or nine blocks from Kew Gardens to the safety of our Maclean Avenue homes - puffing and wheezing, we all looked like extras from a chain gang movie after being chased by the bloodhounds.

Later we found out that while their team chased our team, Chuck Hebert helped the kid he tackled back to his house - the lad's mother (mothers stayed home in those days and were always available) calmly dried the tears and repaired the damage.

Chuck Hebert, the nerd, showed his stuff while the rest of chickened out - he later became a successful lawyer and would you believe - a big game hunter in Africa.

This childhood memory was sparked by an article in this mornings newspaper - about 150 People gathered for a good laugh at Kew Gardens - apparently yesterday was World Laughter Day and these folks were performing dozens of different "laughter yoga" movements.

This type of Yoga started with Madan Kataria, a doctor from Mumbai, India, and it combines what is initially fake laughing with some stretching - I understand that there are more than 5,000 laughter Yoga clubs around the world.

The basic theme is simply - laughter, real or fake, is good for the body.

Denise Rackett, who trained under Kataria says "Laughter yoga exercise is like nothing you've ever experienced..... you simulate to stimulate."

Makes sense to me - I know I have a better day when I get a chance to laugh at something at the start of the day - but I've never tried faking it - maybe it's easier for women than men.

To learn more just Google - Laughter Yoga.

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Some fun videos - Married Too Long" - Retirement humour - Strip Poker - and while on the subject of stripping - this was included in am email I received this morning that started my day with a chuckle -

A Blonde in the Casino

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived and bet twenty-thousand Euros (Eu.20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude".
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

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This is for those who like hockey and understand the frustration of long suffering Toronto Maple Leaf fans - this is from Alan Kelso, Niagara Falls Ontario in the reader's page of the Toronto Star's editorial section - headlined - They can shoot, but can they score?

Re: Your Stanley cup goes to war column of May 3
Point One: Forty years ago, the Toronto maple Leafs won the Stanley Cup.
Point Two: Canadian General Rick Hillier took the Stanley cup to Afghanistan to cheer up the troops.
Conclusion: The Taliban are closer than the Leafs to capture the Stanley Cup

Editor's note - Right on Alan - Editor's note #2 - The upcoming Buffalo/Ottawa series should be a classic - great speed on both teams.

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My thanks to retired Buddy Tom Adams for the following -

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

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As noted above - a Blog break for a week or two - hope you will stay in touch - and remember, work on your creative retirement job - mentally and financially it's worth it - (Go to URL)

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May 14, 2007 - Shattering Grand Dad's Image - Be a Life Long Learner - Daisy's Want Ad

Here's the picture.

The youngsters are gathered around the feet of their elderly grandfather, staring at him in wide-eyed wonder as he explains the mysteries of life.

The old guy may not know what the hell he's talking about, but he adlibs his way through each question with the confidence of a Zen master.

This is the way it's supposed to be - grandparents know everything - we are on standby 24/7 to answer all questions put to them by grandchildren - then some clown in his ivory tower, glass walled, two acre, Madison Avenue office comes up with the brilliant idea for a TV quiz Show -

"Let's see if adults can answer grade five questions"

"Wow Boss" says his number one yes man, "that's a great idea - chances are we will make them look like complete idiots."

"How about this" snaps back number one "yes" woman, "Let's have grade fivers sitting behind school desks to save their sorry butts when they can't answer the question - it'll be even more humiliating."

"Not a bad idea" says the boss, "put that in a memo and I'll sign it."

So, here I am watching "Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?" hosted by Jeff Foxworthy - he of the "You know you're a redneck when you been married three times and still have the same in-laws" fame.

Within minutes my "grandfather is wise and worldly" image is shattered - I had to use up my "peek" - "copy - "save" cheat sheets on three of the first five questions.

Now, after several weeks of this humiliation, I'm getting a little ticked off at this group of smart-ass rug rats - so I propose a new TV quiz Show - "Are you Smarter than your retired Grand Parents?" - the contestants must be 11 years of age - they can choose a grandparent from the group of old folks sitting on lounge chairs or lying on hospital beds and, if they wish, they can "peek" - "copy - "save" the grandparent's answer.

Topics would range from "living on a budget while raising children" to "Corporate Greed"- I suggest these shows run back to back - just to level the playing field.

By the way, just in case you're thinking this rant comes from a sorry sot who's lost it - give it a try - play Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?" online.

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Retired neighbour Tom Adams forwarded this - has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE:
Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting.

Daisy's picture is at the end of this Blog Entry.

My thanks to retired buddy Bernice Dini for this interesting video - Sensational Dancing Horse

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I like this idea - being a Life Long Learner.

I came across an article by Colin Wolfenden, titled - Lifelong Learning Keeps You Young - in which he urges those approaching retirement to consider adopting the attitude of a lifelong learner.

(Editor's Note:As promoted on the host website this is also vital to those who are already retired - age doesn't matter.)

Wolfenden suggests that folks should not confine themselves to just spiritual, social, academic and physical learning - "Lifelong learning is based on an attitude of constantly growing and evolving in various areas of your life.
It is known in nature that whenever anything is not growing it is decaying and this is also true for us as humans.

No matter what a persons age there are great benefits to be gained by challenging yourself in all areas of your life including physical challenges, mental challenges such as a course of academic study or even other areas of learning."

Lifelong learners live by the motto "you're never too old to learn" and this attitude is the reason that people who approach life with this mindset are seen to not only live longer but also enjoy a better quality of life.

That's why I'm promoting creative retirement jobs - using your computer and the internet to energize the brain - making a few bucks on the side is just gravy.

Check out this "The Value of Creative Thinking" page on the host website. (opens a new window)

As Wolfenden points out - it's the law of nature - "the "use it or lose it" law.

As we age it can be observed that those who are considerably inactive develop mobility problems as they age>

A similar effect takes place with anyone who takes no part in any mentally challenging activity or pursuit.

After years of mental inactivity you lose the mental abilities and clarity that you once had and when old age approaches the effects of not giving your brain the stimulation required to grow becomes more evident."

So spend some time in the Retirement Jobs Library - FREE stuff to show you the way.

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My thanks to retired buddy Carole Raycraft for the following -

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

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Re: Daisy's want ad - over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society.

Now let's get working on our creative Retirement Job - (Go to URL)

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May 16, 2007 - Living a Dog's Life - Rate Your Doc - The lady's an Optimist

I Like computer slide shows - even produced several myself - but this one is a real keeper.

My retired buddy and former director and producer Jim Hill sent me the following and I want to pass it on to the readers of this Blog because - it got to me - I know what your thinking - the old guy's losing it - but I defy anyone not to feel a heart tug or two with this one - enjoy the pictures but also, let the quotations sink in.

Congrats to whoever produced this slide show.

This is a PowerPoint presentation - if your computer is not equipped with a PowerPoint viewer on you computer - click here for a FREE download.

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Here's an interesting site - works in Canada and the USA and I notice they just opened a UK page

Check up on your Doctor - read up on his or her rating and post a rating yourself if you're so inclined.

This link leads to the Canada page but you can enter the other lists from here - Click and then alphabetically find your doctor. - My Doc rated right up there - some knick-picking about sometimes being late for appointments, but hey, the guy has hospital duties as well - take a deep breath people and relax - the governments paying.

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While on the subject of things medical - I came across an interview with author and psychiatrist Eve Wood, clinical associate professor of medicine at the University of Arizona Program in Integrative Medicine.

In the interviewer, Paul Wine notes - This lady is so incredibly optimistic that she makes Norman Vincent Peale seem like a suicidal depressive who's been up all night reading Sartre."

10 Steps to Take Charge of Your Emotional Life: Overcoming Anxiety, Distress and Depression Through Whole-Person Healing." is the title of her book

If you have visited the Positive Thinking page on the home web site, you know that when it comes to the battle against depression and anxiety, I headline the importance of first seeking professional medical help - Wood's also advises that certain seemingly implacable situations may signal a need for medication.

But, as I found out, there is plenty we can still do for ourselves - IF you willing to put in the time and effort - because it does take a great deal of effort and dedication.

In her book, Woods encourages readers to be gentle, patient and nonjudgmental with themselves, while honestly exploring the reality of their current situation.

Note these quotes -

• "In giving voice and space to what exists now," she writes, "you open the door to incredible growth and health."
• "Somewhere in the back of your mind or deep within your soul, you know who you are, where you belong or fit, and what you're meant to be doing with your life."
• "Living (in the possible), means challenging your negativity, false assumptions and laziness.
  It involves committing to affirm yourself, push yourself and surround yourself with those who believe in you.
  It requires you to monitor yourself for those 'impossible' messages, to challenge them ... and to remind yourself of what just might be."

In the Positive Thinking Techniques page I call it, deleting unworthy files in our brain computer that we've downloaded all these years - you know, the garbage in- garbage out thing,

In her book Wood looks at faulty, self-limiting beliefs, generally hatched in childhood, that can chase us down a path in life that's completely wrong for us.

"Our biggest challenge," Wood states, "can be trying to figure out how to live the life we're meant to have, as opposed to the one someone else might have taught us."

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Thanks to retired buddy Carole Clooney for today's kicker -

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more.
For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"

"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show !

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge, commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling.

The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.

"I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement."

Now let's watch some video - (Go to URL)

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May 18, 2007 - Building up Brownie Points - Retirement Thoughts - Fun Videos

As the approaching weekend is a holiday weekend in Canada - Victoria Day on Monday - we plan to head north to tour the lakes, so the Retirement News Blog schedule will pick up again next Wednesday - I hope you'll return and have a great weekend - now to the business at hand.

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As mentioned in a previous entry, any man in his retirement years has come to learn that women are born to shop - men aren't - it's a gene thing.

However, I don't mind grocery shopping.
I know what you're thinking - "Look out - the old guy is going to examine his feminine side." - not at all - I grocery shop because it's the hockey playoff season - time to build up the brownie points with the wife.

SIDEBAR:Thanks to daughter-in-law Julie for this -

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush and told her - "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Moral to this story : Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.

Back to building up brownie points -

It's comforting to control the TV remote and watch the new and improved NHL while guzzling Diet Coke and scooping up first period, blast-furnace-hot salsa with man sized potato chips - second period toasted burnt-bacon sandwiches with ketchup and pickles - third period popcorn - without constant warnings of immediate death by artery closure.

But this shopping trip, prior to Wednesday night's Buffalo/Ottawa playoff game, was a strange one - one that reminded me of my old age and occasional stubbornness plus a realization that I must do my part in the battle against global warming - that I have to change my attitude of "screw it I'm not changing my light bulbs to those squiggly things that can't even light up a closet - besides,I'm not going to be around when the earth burns anyway."

(In truth that light bulb issue is mainly because our government is passing a light bulb law and I hate it when the government tells me what to do in my own home - but that's another matter for another day.)

So back to grocery shopping.
As is my custom, when I first enter the supermarket, I go directly to the newspaper and magazine section located in the front of the store - I like to glance at the headlines of the various newspapers and thumb through the magazines.

One headline grabbed my attention - only two words - "We're Saved" - it was the international edition of the UK's The Telegraph - the story dealt with the fact that the European Commission has backed down over plans to ban imperial measurements in England - the Brits had won the battle - they can keep their pounds, ounces, gallon, inches, yards and miles - a politician had leaked the news that compulsory metric measurements was "off the agenda".

I had to reign in my desire to yell out - "Way to go - tell 'em to stuff that metric crap where the sun don't shine."

Flashback - Canada - sometime in the early1970's - The Canadian government decides to abolish imperial measures - one of the main reason why, if my memory is correct, was our number one trading partner, the United States, was thinking of doing the same thing.

So, the government, as governments will, sets up a metric commission, manned by God only knows how many beauracrats and civil servants - spends tens of millions of dollars over the next ten plus years to convince everyone what a great thing this will be - and what happens?

Our number one trading partner says "Nah - we'll keep what we know"

Too late to turn back now, say the Feds and we're dragged screaming and yelling back into the classroom - but not all.

There were those of us who stood our ground - we would not surrender to this metric madness.
This group of metric guerilla fighters, of which I was a proud member, was made up of folks who just hate it when the government tells us what to do, but, if truth be told, most of us were just too dense and lazy to go with the flow.

But as Tom Utley notes in a recent column in the Daily Mail -

" Indeed, how many of us realize that the length of a metre is defined by a wild miscalculation made by crackpots at the French Academy of Science in 1791?

It was supposed to be one tenmillionth of the quadrant of the Earth's circumference, running from the North Pole through Paris to the Equator. In fact, it is nothing of the sort.

Later measurements have proved that the French revolutionary rationalisers got their math entirely wrong.

But still much of the world is stuck with their wholly random yardstick (sorry, metre-stick), now shown to relate to nothing in science or nature."

So here I am, one of the few remaining holdouts shopping with a metric converter in hand - or, just to get close enough - when driving - figuring out miles by multiplying kilometres by 6 and dropping the last number or, if wanting to know the outside temperature, figuring out Fahrenheit from Celsius by doubling the "C" and adding 30 - there's no turning back now - I'm too old and lethargic to even try.

But, the good news is that on this shopping trip I became eco-friendly - I refused plastic bags and bought several reusable shopping bags - .99 cents a pop -light blue, nifty little design on the sides - I felt proud of myself - as I walked out of the supermarket people smiled at me - I plan to upgrade next trip to the "Farm Fresh Green" bag with a reinforced handle and pockets on the sides for maybe a baguette or a carton of eggs - 1.99 a bag - we in the tree-hugger world consider this the Cadillac of shopping bags - it's a status thing.

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I was mentioning this is the hockey and basketball playoff season - here's something that should be a must for any "GUY ROOM" - Fun video - this fella has a great idea here.

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The following was written by Andy Rooney - copy and post on the frig door so you can check them out every morning.

• I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
• I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.
• I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
• I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
• I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.
• I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
• I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
• I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
• I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
• I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
• I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
• I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
• I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.
• I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
• I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
• I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
• I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
• I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
• I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am
• I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
• I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
• I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
• I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
• I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
• I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
• I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
• I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
• I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
• I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
• I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
• I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

My thanks to retired neighbour Dan Dombroski for today's kicker - another fun video - The Examination

Now let's spend some time this weekend working on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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May 23, 2007 - Now that was a day - Retirement Weight Lifting - Restaurant Math

From my retirement notebook :

Let me tell you about my day yesterday - not exactly the norm

It was one of those "great to be alive" kind of days - lots of sunshine, temp in the low 70's - so the wife and I decide to play a round of golf - nine holes - no big whoops or so I thought teeing off.

We decided against a golf cart - too nice a day - let's walk it.
From the first tee, Audrey had game - right down the middle, approach shots rolling with a few feet of the hole while I was having one of those "hook-slice-one in the water" kind of days - while the wife was taking a direct route to the flag, I was travelling back and forth wandering into areas that only trained woodsmen would dare to tread - to make matters worse, I was four down after just three holes.

A break here for a medical update: Since my quadruple by-pass back in 87, there have been a few incidences were I have "hit the tall grass" - that's what I call it when I over exert myself - like the last time - cutting a dragging trees from a cottage property, and I pass out - I feel it coming on, so I'm usually sitting down when the lights go out - but witnesses fear the worst and by the time I start to rejoin the world, the ambulance has arrived and by the time we arrive at the emergency entrance, I'm back running on all cylinders.

So, back to the golf game, after the second hole, a new twist - my neck starts to hurt on the left side - worse on number three - on the fourth tee, a par three, Audrey zoomed another beauty - over a pond, on the green rolling to a stop five feet from the pin - that's pretty much all I remember.

The rest is a blur - Audrey yelling for a nearby cart person - arriving at the club house -people trying to get me to roll over on my side - that's when I started to come back to the fold - just as the medics arrived - a pretty blond girl and a handsome dark haired guy - I remember thinking "I'm going to be treated by Barbie and Ken"

Despite my repeated explanations that everything is OK, that we've been though this before - off we go to the hospital - no sirens, just an ordinary, stoplight obeying drive.

My daughter, Brenda, was the first family member to reach the hospital - she was there when we arrived - she noticed the ambulance coming in without sirens - she thought I'd bought the farm.

When we arrive - and this is truth - there's a news crew from the local TV station who has just returned from riding with another emergency medical team - the reporter, a young, attractive woman, notices that I'm talking up a storm to the wife and medics and asks if I would mind being interviewed - mind? - do bears poop in the woods? - the wife rolls her eyes in dismay.

The reporter explains that her story centers on the difficulty emergency vehicles have getting through traffic because people wouldn't move out the way - so after pinning a mike on my shirt, and with me still with the oxygen hose with it's two nozzle thingies jammed up my schnoz , she asks me how do I feel about people who refuse to move over for emergency vehicles.

I give her pure gold - "I think they should place a couple of missiles on the front of the ambulance and when these clowns don't move over they lock-in and fire one, but seriously, these people are brain-dead - they are hindering people who are saving lives." - a great ten second sound bite, I thought.

I stop there, deciding not carry on with my follow-up thought, that being - "they should be arrested and sentenced to one month in a hard time federal prison so they can be befriended by guys named Rocco, Moose and Billy Joe, then serve a year of volunteer work in a local hospital."

I couldn't view the local news yesterday but my grandkids tell me I didn't make it - my clip was not considered gold after all - but I forgive her, that local news reporter - she's so young.

Anyway, the rest of the family arrives and their mom gives them all the details and tells them everything is fine - later as the night drags on, the family is standing outside the curtain while the nurse is doing something or another and I hear my son laughing - "so you were kicking his ass out there - it wasn't over exertion again - it was stress - the clincher was your birdie possibility on that par three."

It was too late at night to call the lawyer to change my will.

After twelve and half hours of blood tests, X-rays and EKG's, at 3am they tell me everything is normal, to take it easy, and it would be a very good idea to start walking on a regular basis, and to go further than the corner to get the mail.

I didn't tell Doc about being four down after three or Audrey's tee-shot on the par three - why confuse him - besides, what does my son know, he's only a scratch golfer.

So, that was my day.

And while on the subject of exercising - they should have also mentioned weight lifting.

Retirement News Health Alert :

Check this out - Canadian-led research has discovered that seniors who participated in weight training not only improved muscle strength and endurance -- they actually reversed some of the effects of aging in certain muscle tissue at the cellular level.

The researchers found that energy-producing "mitochondria" in skeletal muscle cells can be revitalized with weight-training exercise, returning them to a state closer to those found in younger people.

Known as the "powerhouse of cells," mitochondria are tiny structures that float around outside the nucleus of most cells. They allow cells to use oxygen to convert fat, protein and carbohydrates into energy.

But it appears that as people add on the years, their mitochondria also age and become less efficient at burning nutrients to create energy.

Study co-author Dr. Mark Tarnopolsky of McMaster University in Hamilton says - "There's accumulating evidence to show that mitochondria are involved in the aging process and if the mitochondria don't work very well, the energy, the endurance and the strength of muscles become diminished,"

To test the effects of exercise on muscles, the scientists had 25 active, healthy adults, with an average age of 70, perform an hour of arm, leg and core weight-training exercises twice a week for six months.

Biopsies of their thigh muscles were taken prior to the program's commencement and at its conclusion and the mitochondrial "signature" analyzed. Similar tests were done on young, relatively sedentary adults (aged 20 to 35) who did no weight training.

Tarnopolsky added, "The main, novel finding is that we could bring that aging mitochondria pattern back towards a younger person, almost reversing the aging signature, pretty much by 40, 45 years with six months of weight training."

Co-investigator Simon Melov of the Buck Institute for Age Research in Novato, Calif., said the dramatic reversal "Gives credence to the value of exercise, not only as a means of improving health, but of reversing the aging process itself, which is an additional incentive to exercise as you get older."

And finally today - get a pencil and paper and try this -

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH - It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ...

1. First, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2

3. (just to be bold) Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757 ....If you haven't, add 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.
The first digit of this was your original number (How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.) The next two numbers are YOUR AGE!

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2007) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS

Now let's get working on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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May 25, 2007 - Back to 43 - The Advantages of Music - Retirement Thoughts

Page one of yesterdays morning newspaper headlined the death of a fifteen year old boy who was shot and killed at his high-school - the first school shooting in Toronto.

Page three of yesterdays morning newspaper headlined the story of a study released by Statistics Canada that ranked Canadian teens first out of nine other countries - including the U.S., Australia, the United Kingdom, France and Norway - in the amount of unpaid and paid labour they worked during the school week

The study found most Canadian teens aged 15 to 19 who live at home with their parents average 9.2 hours of school work, homework, paid work and housework on school days and 3.5 hours on weekends.

It's has to be tough to be a teenager today compared to my teenage years - sure we didn't have all the amazing techie stuff that parents today are paying big bucks for, but in my high school years the bullies only pushed you around - the worst I remember witnessing was a left hook to the chops, at least we didn't worry about them packing.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and transport my grandkids back to my time - I wonder how they would react.

Retired buddy Jim Hill sent me one of those "Do you Remember" emails that had the following.

Remember When -

All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?

Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?

When a quarter was a decent allowance?

All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?

They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed. . and they did?

Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?

Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn't because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc. - our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.

Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?

No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?

Remember - Newsreels before the movie

And this is my favourite - remember the jukebox at your favourite coke and soda hangout - I figure I spent 80% of my after-school-job pay feeding those machines - and that's another thing - the music - no comparison to the crap of today.

With all our progress, don't you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with your grandchildren?

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As a follow-up to the above - music and jukeboxes - I came across the following bit of history from my fifteen to seventeen year old period.

"During the period of 1943-1945, while Wurlitzer was producing war material instead of jukeboxes, the company ran an advertising campaign in mainstream publications such as Better Homes & Gardens and Look. The first group of seven ads, run from May 1943 - December 1943"

The May 1943 ad "Pursuit of Happiness" stated:

'They might be your boys ... these carefree kids playing pirates on a lazy summer day. They imagine they're bold buccaneers, questing a richly laden shop off the Spanish Main.

But in Reality ... what they seek is happiness!
Your children are growing up in a world at war. How can you divert their sensitive minds and hearts from the horrors of this conflict? How can you best rear them to become good citizens of tomorrow? Consider the advantages of music!"

The kids today are growing up in world fighting a war on terror -violence highlighted in everything from video games - TV - movies - but I wouldn't count on the advantages of today's music to ease their stress.

My God, I sound like my father when I brought home Benny Goodman's double sided record of Sing, Sing, Sing - "Turn down that damn racket"

By the way - top hits of 1943, and I still have them in my CD library -

• Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin', Frank Sinatra
• Paper Doll, Mills Brothers
• Two O'Clock Jump, Harry James
• You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To, Dinah Shore
• Perdido - Duke Ellington
• Sunday, Monday or Always - Bing Crosby
• All for You - King Cole Trio
• I've Heard That Song Before - Harry James
• That Old Black Magic - Glenn Miller
• Artistry In Rhythm - Stan Kenton
• Don't Cry, Baby - Erskine Hawkins
• And do you remember - Praise The Lord and Pass the Ammunition - Kay Kyser?

Back then you had the " advantages of music!"

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Take a minute with this- trust me, even though it's a minor leaguer to other computer games - the silly little thing can drive you nuts - Think you can fly a helicopter?

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Finally some retirement thoughts - thanks to retired buddy Bernice Dini:

• It takes two things to be a consultant - grey hair and hemorrhoids - the grey hair makes you look distinguished - the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.
• Books - a nice alternative to reading prescription labels.
• Any woman can have the body of a 21 year old - as long as she buys him a few drinks first.
• The good news is even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs - the bad news is they have to squat down first.
• Now that I'm older I thought it was great that I'm showing more patience - turns out I just don't give a crap.

Have a great weekend - now let's get working on our creative retirement job - here's the guy that showed me the way - (Go to URL)

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May 28, 2007 - People Power to Fight High Gas Prices - I Joined the Resistance

I know, it's been tried before - when I Googled I learned some folks out in BC tried this with a May 15th attack date - didn't work apparently - at least I didn't hear anything about it - but even so, my son-in-law's email message hooked me and the Pennsylvania report was the clincher -so I joined up - I'm now a GP (Gas Price) resistance fighter in the battle against high gasoline prices.

You've gotta to love it - using the internet to recruit pissed off drivers to generate enough people power to rattle the oil company penthouse.

I understand this is, for the moment, a Canadian battle plan - hopefully, readers of this Blog from other countries will want to give it a go - just copy the upcoming email - change the target, stats and date - example, may I suggest to American readers - Exxon - July Fourth - I've already forwarded the Email with appropriate changes to some American friends.

One other thing before I go into details - I know even less about high finance than I do about brain surgery - I may be able to work my way around a 5 and 10 Texas Hold 'Em bankroll, but when you start talking about big B bucks - as in Billions - my financial knowledge wouldn't fill an gnat's left ear.

Understand, I'm not against profits - that's what makes the world go round - a major portion of my retirement income depends on someone making a profit - but reasonable profits not record profits - especially when while you're still jamming it to your customers by upping the price every five minutes.

A report from the Pennsylvania Policy and Budget Center pushed me join the GP resistance.

This report, dated May 23rd - analyzed oil industry economics and recommends an Oil Company Gross Profits Tax as a funding source for Pennsylvania's public transit systems.

Here's the section of the report that caught my eye -

Oil company profits have increased by 344% over the last four years and those profits will stay high for years to come.......

To put recent oil company profits in perspective consider that in 2006 the nation's largest retailer, Wal-Mart, earned $11.3 billion in profits on revenues of $345 billion, one-third of Exxon Mobil's $36.5 billion profits on revenues of $365 billion.

Other profitability measures, including return on assets and return on stockholders' equity, also show oil companies above corporate norms.

The new report argues that the petroleum industry, which includes top producers and refiners, is a large and increasingly profitable industry.
The growing world demand for oil, especially from China, coupled with industry consolidation and limited refining capacity, will keep profits high for the foreseeable future.

Stay with me here - remember I'm an old man - but doesn't it sound reasonable that if the Pennsylvania State Government feels it can tax oil company profits to fund stuff - car driving taxpayers should get that piece of the action first through lower gas prices - before governments make their move?

Lower gas prices - lower profits, but profits never the less - seems like a fair deal to me.

Now to the Email - as noted earlier, it's a Canadian battle plan and lack of media coverage worries me - who started this and how many emails have dispatched I don't know - but I joined up anyway - like the flipped-out TV news anchor, with whom I can identify, once said - "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."

Here's the email I received - Copy and email it to your friends or just send them the URL of this Blog -

"We need to take some intelligent, united action. This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around earlier!

The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.

BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read on.

We need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace..... not sellers.

With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And, we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves.

How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea:

Starting June 1 of 2007 DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the biggest Company in Canada - Petro Canada - not just for one day but for as long as it takes!

If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices - if they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

Think about this.
Petro Canada has 1500 retail locations and the entire country consumes 68 million gallons a day - and Petro Canada is Canada 's largest gasoline retailer - but to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Petro Canada gas buyers. It's really simple to do!

Now, don't wimp out at this point..... I am sending this note to 30 people. If each of us sends it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth group of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers. If those three million pass it on to ten friends each, then 30 million people!!

Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all"

Maybe, but I think something like this needs big time media coverage to really take off..
However, I forwarded the Email to 23 people.

Join the resistance! - June first - boycott Petro Canada for as long as it takes.

As mentioned, copy this email and send it out - It will be interesting to see if it works - we Canadians are a strange lot - we don't like making waves, but next to God, family and country, our pocketbooks must be protected.

I just thought if the Americans got on board - say, starting on the fourth of July against Exxon- that would be something to behold - this idea could be the start of something big..

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And while of the subject of Canada/US togetherness - interesting story from Robert Benzie, the Queen's Park bureau chief for the Toronto Star who reports on how the Ontario Chamber of Commerce people are telling American politicians - The Province of Ontario is a far larger US export market than China - so be careful how you tighten up border crossings.

I just uploaded the details to my Connect2Canada page of the home website.

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Sadly, I've had to change the "war on terror" honour roll numbers on the Connect2Canada page of the home website.

A Canadian soldier on foot patrol was killed and another wounded Friday when a road-side bomb exploded near them during a major operation to clear out Taliban.

Killed: Cpl. Matthew McCully, a signals operator from 2 Canadian Mechanized Brigade Group Headquarters and Signals Squadron, based at Petawawa, Ontario.

His death brings to 55 the number of Canadian troops killed at the hands of the enemy or in accidents in Afghanistan since 2002. It is the 11th fatality this year, as activity by the Taliban appears to be heating up.

They are dead; but they live in each Patriot's breast,
And their names are engraven on honor's bright crest.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Col. Mike Cessford, deputy commander of the Canadian Forces in Afghanistan said - "We lost a great soldier today, that hurts us, but I know we are achieving a positive effect, we're doing the right thing. I believe that this young soldier believed it."

More than 18,500 troops make up ISAF, with contributions from 36 nations.

To learn more about the NATO force and mission - click here for their official web site.

Honor to the soldier, and Sailor everywhere , who bravely bears his country's cause,
Honor also to the citizen who cares for his brother in the field, and serves, as he best can, the same cause.
(Abraham Lincoln)

To learn more about this attack plus additional special reports, visit my old network - CTV News - Assignment Afghanistan.

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Now let's work on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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May 30, 2007 - Amazing kid - Big Buck Buyouts Burn us at the Pumps - Reasons to Live in Canada

Leftover scribbles from the Retirement News Notebook:

• As a follow-up to my bad golf day mentioned a few entries back, retired Florida Buddy Dan Dombroski sent me this video - The kids amazing.

• Here's a add-on to my last entry rant on high gas prices:
  Financial Columnist David Olive has been bombarded with emails from readers asking why the high gas prices - according to him - let us count the ways - but some of the reasons he puts forth -

  Most of the world's remaining major supplies of untapped oil are in politically and geographically hostile regions - and that commie nut case (my words not his) Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez seems bent on expropriation.

  Canadian refiners have been closing refineries since the low-price era of the late 1980s; and the U.S. has not built a new refinery since Gerald Ford was president

  But here's the biggie -

  Big oil has been paying big bucks buying back its own stock, a move Olive says is an artificial means of inflating earnings per share - and get this, according to Olive - "Last year, the global oil industry spent $52 billion (US.) buying back its own stock - enough to finance the construction of 17 new refineries.

  Exxon Mobil Corp. alone devoted 60 per cent of its cash flow to share buybacks, up from 50 per cent in 2000, leaving just 40 per cent for the exploration, development and refining of oil and gas.

  The oil mega-mergers that began in the late 1990s have not been a boon to consumers.

  The advent of Exxon Mobil (parent of Imperial Oil Ltd here in Canada), Chevron, Texaco, Conoco-Phillips and the like has reduced competition and the number of players hunting for oil and gas.
  Last year, production was essentially flat at these firms, as well as at BP, PLC and Royal Dutch Shell Group PLC."

• Interesting comment in the Orlando Sentinel from 60 year old Linda Lewis who live in Summit Greens, a retirement community in Clermont Florida. Linda, gives free yoga and meditation classes to residents who range in age from 55 to 90, plus, she uses her meditation skills as a hospice volunteer.

  "Inhaling brings in light, energy and a healing sensation. Exhaling relieves tension, stress, pain and any negativity," Lewis explains. "The students are asked to focus on the energy of any pain in the body that might need healing. It is a process of positive thinking and an important part of the process is visualization - I ask the students to imagine a beautiful setting and ask them to gradually drift away to their own favorite place. The concentration gives them a sense of peace and relaxation." - told ya.

• Here's a fun internet time waster that gives a new meaning to "get a life".
  This computer gal will say anything you type in - and in a number of different languages - but it's eyes following the cursor that's spooky.

• Creative Advertising - sign of the week:

  

• The following, submitted by retired buddy Bill Ozard, is for the amusement of our Canadian readers, while giving other folks an opportunity to see how we Canucks look at ourselves -

  Living in Canadian Provinces.....Top Reasons

  TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

  1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges. You do the math.
  2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
  3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
  4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.
  5. Weed

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ALBERTA

1. Big rock between you and B.C.
2. Ottawa who?
3. Tax is 6% instead of approximately 200% as it is for the rest of the country.
4. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
5. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its own country.
6. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN SASKATCHEWAN

1. You never run out of wheat.
2. Your province is really easy to draw.
3. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
4. People will assume you live on a farm.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN MANITOBA

1. You wake up one morning to find that you suddenly have a beachfront property.
2. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
3. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
4. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
5. You can pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN ONTARIO

1. You live in the centre of the universe.
2. Your $500,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
4. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN QUEBEC

1. Racism is socially acceptable
2. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour will move out next.
3. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
4. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo *#!%!"

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEW BRUNSWICK

1. One way or another, the government gets 98% of your income.
2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
3. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick
4. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NOVA SCOTIA

1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
2. You can pretend to have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get drunk and wear a kilt.
3. You are the only reason Anne Murray makes money.
4. Seaweed is a delicacy.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got the big, new bridge.
2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
3. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
4. Everyone has been an extra on "Road to Avonlea."
5. This is where all those tiny, red potatoes come from.
6. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and off at night.

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN NEWFOUNDLAND

1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
2. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
3. The workday is about two hours long.
4. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.

Ain't this a great country?

Now let's getting working on our creative retirement job - (Go to URL)

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