Positive, Productive, Profitable Retirement News

To be honest, I added the retirement humor chapter to my website as an after thought. There's a group of us - friends and family who daily exchange funny material we come across while surfing the net and most of it shines a bright light on the problems of growing old and retireing. Another big lesson I've learned - if you don't take time to see the humorous side of senior living and retirement, you'll be old well before you're old.

Anyway, this retirement humor chapter has become very popular and as a result I'm receiving a mailbag full of humorous material - some a tad too descriptive - but most worthy of republishing. I can't promise to upload every contribution but I'll pick away at the mail bag.

And while on the subject of retirement humor - Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The New York Times.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, prerecorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:1:To make an appointment to see me

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.

The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman)

JUST GOTTA LOVE THEM SENIORS!

---

(Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 24, 2006 - If you're thinking of building a website for extra income - don't become shark bait.

Retirement news - Want to earn extra retirement income before and during retirement via the internet? OK, but beware of the sharks lurking in the waters of the web. Promises of sure-fire get-rich-quick programs dangle promises of almost instant cash to the gullible and desperate. If you plan to build a creative retirement job by building your own website - take heed.

This article was written by one whose in-mail box was flooded with such earn-money-while-you-sleep promises, and who, by blind luck, found a secure home for his creative retirement project. It is also a place for those, like the author, are starting with little or no knowledge about website design, search engines and all the other techie stuff. You work on selling what you know, build or sell -you'll be guided every step of the way and all the technical work will be done for you - and you will not be offered up as shark bait. (Read Article)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 26, 2006 - About bravery and your story

A couple of notes to forward today.
First, as visitors to my home site know, I have dedicated a chapter to Canadian and American relations, something that's important to me as I'm privileged to be able to live six months of the year in the United States. I have just added some new information in the Connect2Canada chapter dealing with Canada's contribution to the war on terror - new facts and figures.

One interesting fact I was not aware of and I neglected to include in this latest update is The United States Government has awarded 30 US Bronze Stars to Canadian service personnel in the War on Terror.

---

My home site deals with the importance of building a creative outlet that can carry you into and through retirement. I always emphasize that even if you are already retired, as I was, it's never too late to build that mind empowering creative project.

I came across this interesting and free little movie that beautifully illustrates the fact that we all have a story to tell. As you view it, think about how your life and experiences would make interesting reading and, again, the revenue possibilities. Although the movie promotes a worthwhile publishing information site, I couldn't help but think the idea fits right in with the possibility of publishing your story as an Ebook.

Far fetched? No way. Give some time to look and read. First, view the movie then read the information on this page that details the many ways you can build a positive, productive and profitable retirement. (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 27, 2006 - The Tortoise and the Hare Approach to a Creative Retirement

Sell your Knowledge - that's just one of the creative paths I outline on my host web site that will lead you to a creative and profitable challenge to take you into and through retirement.

From the mail bag I find that many haven't even given a thought to the fact they have information that others could use and are willing to pay for. But for the folks who would like to give it a try, they list as the number one concern - no idea of how to build a website - welcome to my world as it used to be.

I wish I could give credit for this upcoming quote, but I can't find it in my files. Someone messaging in the Site Build it Forum explained it this way -

"How does one bake the perfect cake?" The answer is very simple: use a tried and trusted recipe, use the best ingredients you can get hold of, use the best equipment you can afford and follow the recipe - take no shortcuts and use no initiative. Your cake will most probably be close to perfect. This is exactly what SBI! is when building an online business."

I urge you to at least take the time to follow through with the information on this page.This was my first step and as you continue to study, you'll hit by a tidal wave of creative ideas.

One more important quote - this one my Dr. Ken Evoy, the brains behind SBI -

"Owning and building a business, whether it's online or offline, takes a considerable amount of work in the first few months. It also requires that you change your mindset. Instead of seeing yourself as an "employee," you now need to view yourself as an "entrepreneur."
With this mindset, you understand that you must invest time and energy upfront to build a thriving business. Every serious entrepreneurial effort starts that way, SiteSell itself included.
If any entrepreneur in any business measured the dollars per hour s/he was making in the first year, the economy would simply ground to a halt. There would be no more entrepreneurs."

Take your time, study, plan, execute - "shift away from the employee-hare mindset - think like a tortoise-entrepreneur."

For more creative retirement ideas follow this link. (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 28, 2006 - Tiresome Labor and Search Engine Stats

Here's a quote I recently printed up as one of my daily motivators (see below) - "Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense" - Arnold Bennett.

Everyone who edits a website should have that one pasted on their computer monitor - sometimes the entire process can be truly "tiresome labor." However, when your web hits slowly increase and the revenue moves into meaningful numbers - "the gain in self-confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense,"

For those of you who have never given a thought to developing a creative challenge via the internet to carry you into and through retirement, I urge you to take the time to research the possibility. These people did and they now bask in the immense joy of a self-confidence that comes with accomplishing a tiresome labor

Interesting Stats: According to the Nielsen//NetRatings MegaView Search, January 2006, the top sixsearch engines, ranked by search share read out this way.

• Google Search - 2,365,998 - 46.3%
• Yahoo! Search - 1,194,519 - 23.4%
• MSN Search - 583,304 - 11.4%
• AOL Search - 350,899 - 6.9%
• My Way Search - 129,555 - 2.5%
• Ask Jeeves Search - 119,679 - 2.3%

Re; My motivators - (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 29, 2006 - A few random notes:

RETIREMENT MEMORIES - THOSE WERE THE DAYS

- Submitted by Bill Ozard who lives in the oil-rich province of Alberta

A little house with three bedrooms and one car on the street, A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.
In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone, And no need for recording things, someone was always home.
We only had a living room where we would congregate, unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.
We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine, When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.
We only had one TV set, and channels maybe two, But always there was one of them with something worth the view.
For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip, And if you wanted flavor there was Lipton's onion dip.
Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook, And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker's book.
Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play. We all did things together -- even go to church to pray.
When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather, No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.
Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own, But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.
Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star
And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.
Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season, Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

---

Moving off the retirement topic, while reading the Sunday papers this morning I learned a couple of interesting facts I'll probably never use again.

• Maine is not the esternmost state in the United States. Alaska is both the westernmost AND easternmost state in the union. Some of the Aleutian Islands are west of 180th meridian, the dividing line between the eastern and western hemispheres. That means they are father east than west.
• I always believed that the Statue of Liberty was in New York - not so, it's in New jersey. - (from the book - Contrary to Popular Belief by Joey Green)

  ---

  Tomorrow; Getting fired - maybe that's the kick-start you need to start building your "creative" retirement job. (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 30, 2006 - Been Fired? It May be Just What You Needed

OK, here's the scenario - You've been on the job for a number of years and trying to do all the things you're supposed to do - paying off the bills, at least covering the minimum payments, putting aside a little more for retirement, insurance and the kid's college education etc., then wham-bam - for whatever reason - you're fired.
No matter what your age, this kind of shock can be a true confidence deflator. A friend of mine who was just entering the third quarter in the game of life said it was "like receiving a hard jab in the gut by Mike Tyson."

A recent New York Times article proclaimed that "getting canned is traumatic but can be liberating, say the many people who have been there."
The article goes on to quote folks who survived the experience by first battling the self doubt that will consume you if you allow it to - somehow they say, you "have to garner enthusiasm" by not sitting around bathed in self-pity. If your severance pay is spoken for, get out there and find something - anything - just to give you the time to plan an orderly strategy of recovery.

From the hundreds of folks I've interviewed for my positive, productive and profitable retirement jobs web site an important part of that strategy should be to take a long hard look at the possibility of building your own home based on- line business.
Like myself, many of those surveyed hadn't give a thought to such a possibility until, they were led to Site Build It.

Take a few days to read and study - it's free - no obligation - and see if your knowledge, contacts, hobbies and interests could lead to a new creative challenge. It also has a Newbie's Guide to what Ecommerce is all about - it's time well spent. (Go to URL)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

January 31, 2006 - The Doom-Boom in Today's Media

One of the most important chapters, indeed the leading chapter for my host website, Positive, Productive and Profitable Retirement Jobs deals with the power of positive thinking.

I wrote this article a number of months ago for a subscription service, but after watching several newscasts last night and reading two newspapers this morning and after a neighbor commented on how the weather is acting up all over the world and the future looks dicey at best - I feel the time is right for another look.
The reasoning is based on my own personal experience of discovering the benefits of the power of positive thinking as explained in the positive thinking chapter of my website.

Studies show that people who are optimistic and have active minds are the ones who age best - so don't allow the media's blanket of gloom to snuff out your enthusiasm for living. (Read Article)

To reference this entry please copy the url in this link: (Permalink)

 
RSS Feed For This News

| Retirement News | Positive Thinking and Visualization | Sidebars | Retirement Humor | Archives | Articles